ronggeng

exam dah habis, maka bermulalah acara ronggeng secara rasmi pada pukul 10 pagi semalam. padahal belom dapat result lagi kalau fail nangislah ko sorang2. huhu mintak2 takde fail amin.

1. acara ini dimulakan dengan acara meneman alisa membeli tudung di pasar chow rasta tapi selepas itu terikut2 juga membeli sehelai tudung padahal tgh sengkek dan bukannya selalu pakai tudung pon. erkk.

2. kemudian kami lunch dan pulang ke rumah untuk tido untuk mengecas tenaga kerana malam sebelumnya insmonia sebab telah terminum air coke pada pukul 8 malam.

3. pada jam 3.45 tepat kami bergerak untuk menghantar alisa ke airport.

4. kemudian bergerak ke kedai aksesori kereta kerana kazen jamiey memesan spoiler myvi tapi akhirnya kami tidak membeli kerana kazen jamiey kata mahal dan baiklah membeli di tawau sahaja. dan sebaik sahaja hendak ke kereta hujan turun dengan sangat lebat. beberapa saat kemudian a knight in a shining amour datang membawa payung dan memayungkan saya dan jamiey ke kereta. aww gila sweet abang penjual aksesori kereta itu walaupun rasa bersalah kerana tidak membeli spoiler dari dia.

5. kemudian saya dan jamiey dengan perut lapar hendak menuju ke secret recipe untuk membeli chicken cornish tapi kemudian lalu di depan winter warmers dan tergoda dengan ice cream waffle dan kami terus masuk ke kedai tersebut kerana ingin meng-experience 'afternoon tea english style'. walaupun ice cream waffle itu sedap tetapi kedai itu sangat overrated dan tidak lah se-warm yang disangkakan. OVERRATED. oh dan saya telah menjatuhkan pisau ke lantai dan bunyinya sangat kuat sehingga saya terkejut dan terus terblurt out 'sorry'. semua orang di dalam kedai melihat ke arah saya dan jamiey. yeah shasheila memang tidak sesuai dibawa makan beradab.

6. pulang ke rumah dengan tergesa2 kerana mahu menonton perlawanan akhir sukan sea malaysia menentang laos. sebab waiter2 winter warmers bebal ya amat dan service lambat dan hanya mempunyai satu mesin membuat waffle maka kami tertinggal 20 minit awal perlawanan. malaysia bermain dengan cantik terutama pada babak kedua perlawanan dan akhirnya menang 1-0. syabas!

7. kemudian saya dan jamiey pergi dinner di sup hameed dan makanan memang sedap. haha

8. kemudian kami ke gurney plaza lagi untuk menonton wayang cerita storm warriors. kesimpulan dari cerita itu ialah perempuan memang selfish dan perempuan annoying yg banyak cakap memang dibenci dan patut mati. hahaha

9. and that conclude the ronggeng day. now i want to shower and menyambung ronggeng lagi sebelum balik ke kuching petang ini. bye! and happy new year!


p/s: gambar ice cream waffle yg sedap ada dalam hp jamiey. jadi tidak dapat di upload. sekian terima kaseh.

mimpi

malam tadi saya mimpi dublin. walaupun lokasi2 semua tempat saya mimpi itu tidak menunjukkan saya berada di dublin langsung, tapi dalam mimpi itu saya memang berada di dublin. kerana saya memakai tiga lapis baju sejuk menandakan betapa tempat itu sejuk.

kalu tak dublin mana lagi nak jumpa si FM merayau-rayau di shopping complex dan bila saya tanya dia 'u alone?' dan dia senyum sangat sweet dan menjawab 'yeah, why?' seperti nada mahu pergi menge-date dengan saya kalau saya ajak tapi saya yang bongok hanya menjawab 'just asking' sambil berlalu pergi.

gila hebat abstinence ko sheila, dalam mimpi ada laki hot depan mata pun ko xnak ngorat.

syabas! memang hebat! sehebat malaysia yang menang lawan laos malam tadi.



p/s: the other night i dreamt of overseas country jugak but i dont know which country but most probably germany.

cursing the slow internet

1. internet lembap macam cibai. so i cant stream all those scrubs episode that i wanna watch again eventho i pretty much had watch em all.

2. i have this weird feeling in my chest. hence, i cant study.

3. but it might also due to my pure laziness. i cant decide which tho. its like having a period pain together with gastritis. i cant decide the dull pain in the abdomen is due to what.

4. they said there will be a meteor shower around 2 am this morning. i wanna watch but i dont wanna stay up late. lately i sleep around 12 and wake up at 8 every morning. dont wanna disturb that cycle. maybe meteor shower is a bit overrated. or maybe not. maybe i should wish for pass grade in ophtal and ent. yep yep better do that since im too lazy to study tonight.

5. i think i wanna sleep early tonite since i cant/wont do anything anyway. cant watch scrubs. dont want to study. sleep lor.

6. a cousin of mine is getting married at this hour i think. not that i care.

7. lately everybody is getting either bitchy or boring. including aminul.

8. im missing dublin more and more. not the coldness mind u eventho penang nowadays is sooo damn hot that studying at home is impossible without the air conditioner. actually i might not be missing dublin, but more towards the independent me in dublin. yep yep that must be it.

9. i hate clingy people. or maybe its just that i hate people period.

10. im gonna sleep now. tata



p/s: ifuckinghateROBERTPATTINSON. why dont you just go die?why why why??????? havent watch new moon tho.

plans for 2 weeks holiday

1. learn the rubix cube

2. painting (with watercolour)

3. complete the EM portfolio

4. swim/jog everyday

5. +/- learn origami (if i have time)

money money money

i'm having trouble with money lately. mara gave us a month rm 770, and out of that i need to pay my rent for rm350. and these last two months is the worse, because all the extra money that i have in the bank had all been used up which means i only really have rm770 to spend per month. which is obviously not enough.

and now i can see my parents' view about the whole money thing. how and why they keep objecting whenever i want to go for a vacation, or buying a new camera. i remember that we keep having a fight of how i keep using my scholar money to go for vacations. how i said that it's my money and as long as i didn't ask money from them then i'm free to do what i want with that money.

my principle is simple. it's okay to spend as long as it makes you happy. and that is why i never really care paying for rm10 ringgit for black coffee as long as its delicious. and why i keep planning and going on holiday as it makes me very very happy. but my father's view is very different. he keeps saying that we should save for rainy days and as for students your responsbility is to study, not spending money on unnecessary thing.

we had plenty of arguments over this matter. whenever i'm planning on going on a vacation, my parents would totally be cold to me, which i'm really sad about because of their lack of support and understanding. sometimes i think its very unfair and frustating. when your parents dont understand about your interest and passions.

but now, i'm started to feel that i'm wrong. and my parents are right. because when you had no money left especially when you really really need it, all the happiness that you get from all your vacations, or expensive coffee and ice cream that you eat doesn't make you feel better. and it sucks when your broke. really really sucks.

and i feel very guilty whenever i call my father saying that i want to go back home and i need to used his credit card to buy the flight tickets. i feel really really guilty. because however you think about it, it is so unfair that i keep using his money to buy my flight tickets to go back home but i'm thinking to spend my money on a vacation instead.

so anyway no more vacation for me then. and no lx3. im just gonna put my photography hobby on hold. so much of wanting to experiementing with lomo huh? and as i have nothing else to do then why dont i just get my lazy ass concentrating on studying instead?



p/s: thank god i'm not really into shopping. ;P
pp/s: ten, i think i need to put our plan on hold. but i'll keep praying that mara will give me extra money when the new year comes! lol

ultimatum!

i'm very pissed with my classmates today. everybody knows how dr H hates late-comers. and still those people don't know how to be on time. wadefak people!

away we go

AWESOME!!!!!

rindu

"bagai mencari bulu di dalam beras" <--- aminul's attempt to say "bagai menarik rambut dari tepung". LOL

oh how i miss him.


p/s: aminul have a gf now. hehe

mourn

i just went to the bank, and withdrew half of my entire saving. and now i feel like crying.

this is the money that i was going to use for my post graduation trip to china. the money that i planned to buy LX3 with, but because of my mom strong objection, i withhold the plan. the money that i planned to used to go to pulau perhentian next year (which i know my mom will strongly object to that idea too). i have plenty of plan for that money. and i withdrew it now to buy what?

diagnostic set that i know i'll used only once for this exam and then let it rust because i'm never going to use it again in the future.

let me mourn for a while. will come back with happy thoughts later. huu :(

p/s: no ps.

me

i'm so sorry if i seems bossy. because sometimes i am.

i'm not a perfectionist, but there are things that will bug me if it is not done right. like for example, when going shopping i simply cannot leave the previously neatly folded shirts just like that after i took it from its rack. i will fold it back. little things like that bug me a lot.

that is why when i'm in the hospital, i will throw the wastes accordingly. syringes and needles in the sharp bin, gauze with blood on it in the yellow bin, and paper and plastic into the green bin. so i'm really sorry to anyone if i seems too bossy and tell them where to throw the waste on the correct bin. i'm really sorry if i annoyed the hell out of you, but i can't help it because it bugs me too much.

again, im sorry. i feel bad on telling people what to do, because i know how annoying to that person that can be.

p/s: had a great week doing emergency rotation. didn't manage to do any stitching though.

cable car

how i miss to go for a vacation. how i miss strolling around unfamiliar city and admiring the architecture. how i miss having a cup of coffee and eating muffin at starbucks after a long walk. how i miss reading the map looking for direction no matter how bad i am at it. how i miss trying ice creams at every city i went to. how i miss the sunny weather in rome. how i miss the smell of marks n spencer's cookies whenever i enter jervis. how i miss the long bus ride from an lar to cabinteely. how i miss the morning walk alone to class to UCD.

last week when i was watching my lovely samsoon, there's this one scene when samsoon and samshik ride the cable car. suddenly i remember that i never get a chance to ride the one in barcelona. and having that thought make me upset. really really upset.

i want to go holiday! :(

whine

i have been trying to write (and whine) about how crappy last week had been but somehow i can't put my thoughts and feelings into words. i really really do want to let other people know how crap surgeons in hospital seberang jaya treated us last week. and how i have never been that exhausted (even though we practically did nothing at the hospital) because SJH surgeons had capabilities to mentally tortured us every fucking day. (by not doing their job)

but just now before i wrote this i visited ZA's blog and it stated there in the left corner of his blog ; "Walau macam mana celakanya kehidupan itu, ia tetap kehidupan." so i've decided that i'm just going to let it go. SJH surgeons, you all suck!

i'm sad because my 6 weeks surgery posting had to end this way. i had a very great time the first 4 weeks eventhough it was exhausting. even when i had to wake up at 5.30 am in the morning and be at the hospital by 6.15 am for bedside teaching or even when i had to come to the ward at 4.30 pm after class just to clerk case for mr eric. or even when i had to stand 7 hours straight in the OT during fasting month. but the last two weeks, is a waste of time and energy because i didn't learn much anyway.

and for yesterday OSCE exam, erghh i dont want to talk about it. :(

now here come multispec posting on monday! i have a feeling that i'm not going to survive this. hoho


p/s: mr. C cursed one h.o. in the clinic in front of one other doctor, 2 patients, one nurse and 5 clueless (and scared lol) medical students 'pukimak'. yeah, they're that bad. hmmm...

optimism

i'm very optimistic towards life. the only problem that i have is that sometimes i still live in the past. that i believe things that happened in the past still has some meaning in the present time. that is of course not the case.

people move on. i don't. that is my problem. even though in the present time, while living my life i also encounter new things and make new plans for the future, i without fail bringing stuffs that happened in the past with me.

and that is sometimes making it too troublesome.


p/s: i am (almost) certain that i want to be a surgeon. and hopefully can marry one. ;P

invisible

as medical students, at the hospital everybody think we are invisible. from the nursess to the housemen to the medical officers, to some specialists and consultants, they don't see us, hence they treat us like we are invisible.

but we are not. we are not invisible, we have feelings like all the human being out there.

so to the doctor with the green cap in the OT yesterday, we medical students are not invisible. at least have the courtesy to ask us to move before just going in front of us blocking our view while we were concentrating on looking dr. narinder suturing the lady's leg which i know that you yourself as a doctor probably already did suturing plenty of time.

p/s: don't you just hate people with no manners?

reason

as a medical student, i have been asked multiple times of my reasons of wanting to be a doctor. and it is one question that i hate the most to answer. last monday, Ms Lee asked my group that question and none of my group members including me can give her a reason why. and then she nagged us for half an hour just because we can't answer that.

it's not that i don't want to answer her question. it's just that i want to spare her from all the bullshits that she probably already heard for the thousand times already, the 'right' answer. 'i want to serve the public', 'i want to help the sick', 'my father is a doctor and i want to just like him because he is my inspiration' bla bla bla all the bullshits kind of answer. after all this is not some kind of medical interview, so i dont have to create fake reasons to impress her.

i remember asking one of the doctor in SGH couple of years ago that question. and what did he answer me? he simply said his reason with three simple words that i will never ever forget my whole life; 'because i can'. and that i think is the most honest answer that somebody had given me so far.

so what i'm saying is sometimes you don't need a reason to like or to want to be something. because there are some things that you just cannot explain and reason it out with words.

can't it just be because i like it very much? but don't get me wrong, i do want to serve the public. hehe ;P

and also the second question that doctors like to ask us, are u enjoying medicine so far?. and my answer will always be the same before, now and in the future. 'sometimes. most of the times'. because there is no such thing that is so perfect that you don't have a slightest moment of hating it eventhough you love it so much. got what i mean? this is not some sort of utopian world, imperfection is acceptable.

p/s: i hate ortho!

starting over.

im starting over.

think happy thoughts! :D

the surgeon in a purple shirt.

i am tired.


and both of my arms hurt.



and mr lim talked to me yesterday. hahaha ;)

maaf zahir batin.

after three years celebrating raya abroad, i have very high hope for this raya. unfortunately it wasnt a good one. nevermind, i never actually like raya anyway, sometimes i hope we can celebrate raya once every 5 years.

happy raya people! hope ur raya is better than mine. maaf zahir batin :)

yesterday was a good day. :D

1. dr S is very nice. not as nice as mr U from taiping, but still he's nice. mind you that most of the surgeon are mean creature and never know how to smile. and he's good looking too. haha ;)

2. mr LSY spotted twice. he's not wearing his pink shirt but still it leaves a very huge smile on my face. :D its good to see him, its been a long time.

3. im in kch. flight not delay. that was a good thing. hehe

4. i love the kittens.


p/s: happy hari raya!
pp/s: dont u just love listening to hari raya song that they spin on radio?

freeeaaakkk

i just realize that i have this weird thing that i do; i will always try to palpate my brachial pulse while passing motion.

food diary #3

sahur: 2 keping roti wholemeal, sesudu kecil kaya. air kosong.

sungkey: nasik briyani ayam, 3 keping samosa, jus tembikai.

leftover food: 2 keping kueh bingka

senaman: tiada. tapi berdiri 7 jam di dalam OT boleh dikira sebagai senaman x?

p/s: arrghhh crap im not compliance to the diet langsung!

food diary #2

sahur: karipap lebihan semalam 1 1/2 biji, sekeping roti wholemeal, 1/2 sudu kaya. air kosong.

sungkey: setengah pinggan nasik ayam, segelas jus kiwi (not my taste), segelas teh tarik ice.

supper (semasa menonton nur kasih): sehiris kek secret recipe pecan butterscotch, segelas jus oren.

senaman: tiada kerana pegi makan di luar.

compliance kepada diet yang disyorkan: maseh juga tidak dapat mengelak dari makan benda manis. dan tidak bersenam..... kamu hopeless.


p/s: mak n bapak datang kl esok, yay!!
pp/s: saya mungkin ada sedikit suka kepada dr choo. *wink* dan ternampak cinta hati memakai baju kelabu pagi tadi. hehe happy2!! :D

food diary #1

sahur: 2 keping roti wholemeal, tuna, 4 helai daun salad, 1 sudu low fat mayo. air kosong.

sungkey: 1 1/2 mangkuk nasi kerabu lauk seekor ikan kembung, 4 keping daging dihiris nipis, telur masin separuh, sedikit sayur mentah. (haha)
+ sebiji epal + sebiji donut + sehiris kueh bingka + segelas jus oren
belum dimakan sehingga diari ini ditulis: 2 biji karipap

senaman: berenang 30 minit

compliance kepada diet yang disyorkan: tidak begitu berjaya, cuba lagi esok hari. senaman baik, kekalkan. kurangkan nasi, dan tolong berhenti membeli kueh mueh! gud luck!


p/s: esok ada exam cardio, uwaa!

i'm not angry

im just refused to be angry and i hope i dont know the truth because if i do, maybe i wont look at u as the same anymore.

lesson for today

never sleep in the class coz later u will half-dead looking for the meaning of short forms that ur lecturer used in the notes. *annoyed + half dead*

wtf is B-D??? and IAM MRI?? and CF? (i am sure CF is not cystic fibrosis)

crap crap crap

apesal laptop tetiba keluar semut kecik2 kaler brown?

of reading lecture note headache

tiba tiba kepala aku ada unilateral pulsating headache. crap. i got migraine.

bla bla bla

hehehe tetiba rasa cam nak makan roti dengan susu pekat manis. tapi malas nak pegi beli susu. troublesome.

the day i met jason leong

hahaha jason who? jason leong may not be famous, but i've been searching for his book, the twisted stethescope since last summer. and today when i was at the library counter to renew my book, he was there, borrowing books.

hehe then i said hi, and asked if i can get a copy of his book. he said he'll asks his parents to bring a copy for me when they come to penang in july.

oh yeah jason said i had this accent. there's been quite a few people telling me the same thing. and making fun of me because of it. i never noticed. hehe at least jason said it rather nicely, he said i have such a pleasant accent.

lately i have been a source of entertainment for my groupmates. dem it, that goes my goal to lay low.

i bought a new book again today. 69 by ryu murakami. oh i might be addicted reading japanese books. and i vow to myself that i will not buy anymore shoes until i've collected all the books by haruki murakami.

ryu and haruki murakami are 2 different person.

last night i finish reading 20 fragments of a ravenous youth by xiaolu guo. i love it. but im too lazy to do a review. maybe later.

im going to explore china as soon after i graduate. need to start saving!

i want to sell my sony cybershot and buy lumix LX3 instead. anybody interested?

Happy Birthday Uncle Daud

hari ini, 5 jun adalah birthday bapak saya, Uncle Daud yang ke 54. saya, syilla daud dan oren di sini ingin mengucapkan selamat hari lahir yang ke 54 kepada Uncle Daud. saya berharap di usia Uncle Daud yang ke 54 tahun ini Uncle Daud akan lebih gembira dalam menjalani kehidupan, tidak selalu marah2 dan jarang-jarang dijangkiti penyakit viral berjangkit seperti demam dan selsema. amin. semoga panjang umur dan lebih murah rezeki supaya boleh menampung kehidupan anakmu yang bernama syilla. hehehe pak, kasut converse cgek!

saya normal

hehe bukan saya seorang saja apabila patah hati terfikir nak lari. jadi saya normal.

OMG i fucking love my new shoes.

aten likes this very much. hehe

this converse i found it at florence, italy. i want! i want! i want! but then the price for converse overseas is ridiculously expensive compare to malaysia so i have to let this go.

i want this crocs! malindi izzit? anyone wanna buy it for me?

ini memang sangat comel gila babi saya tidak dapat bertahan so im going to buy it tomorrow.

and lastly this is my new shoes and i like it very much that i dont want to wear it because sayang takut tapak nya haus. hahaha saiko.

people are so fucking annoying these days. inconsiderate and demotivating. sometimes i wish that karma will haunt them for whatever they had said and done to me.

i hate everybody now. all of you.

holga ka fisheye? holga ka fisheye? holga ka fisheye?

random rambling

i think im going back home later than what i had planned. i seriously need to go on a holiday. might go to ipoh and take pictures of the old buildings. and melaka to experience the night life, melaka is gorgeous at night. and singapore! i fucking love singapore. i need my tripod!

my weight is 82 kg and im obese and my legs is short. somebody please do an intervention on me.

i need to see a dietitian. today we did BMI and waist:hip ratio. i am officially an obese now. and my waist:hip ratio is also not in normal range. so im in trouble now. macam wadefak la kan. so im going to see a dietitian for real this time. (i was planning to see dietitian last summer but i thought i was doing ok, so i changed my mind)

my tutor andii (is that how u spell her name? i dont know. haha) anyway she said she wants to see me in the normal range in 6 months time. hoho im in deep shit now kan? before this i always thought its ok to be a bit overweight as long as ur healthy and exercise regularly. regular la sangat saya pergi exercise kan. hahahahaha ok thats not funny. im scared.

i really need to stop consuming poisonous drink that they include in mcdonald value meal. shitness lah, coke is do sedap that i can finish the large coke by myself now, and i went to mcdonald like what? 2 to 3 times every week? i really need to discipline myself to avoid any soft drinks from now on. wait, starbucks is not a softdrink kan?


p/s: why is that one of my groupmate actually perceives me as bubbly and cheerful girl? and i thought i am always dark and bitter! hmm...

saya dah jumpa dia. tp dia bukan prince charming. macam yang saya bayangkan.

siapa dia? dia ialah ini

grey area

i see things as white and black. i dont believe in grey area. what wrong is wrong, and what right is right. there is no in between.

i think everybody should have a better self control and dont be greedy. admit it u cant have it all.

sometimes u have to choose even though making decision is hard. like i said, if u can stop being greedy, u will have a clear mind of what to choose.

like what my father said, in life u cant afford making too many mistakes. and i truly believe that. thats why before i did anything stupid i always think about what he said. and it will stop me from doing it.

even though some may see me as a no-fun person, not adventurous, bla bla bla. what the heck people, im trying to be perfect here. ;D so now u know why i dont do this, i dont do that.

i dont want to have any regret. i dont want to encounter any episodes when i look back at my life in the future i found that im ashamed with myself. always remember all ur actions will have consequences. eventhough some people said u will learn from ur mistakes, but i say; if u can do it right, why would u want to make any mistakes?



p/s: surgery rotation dah habis. yay! :D

about friendship

i dont have lots of friends. most of the people that i mingle with nowadays are my classmates. i dont see classmates as friends because after school i dont get in touch with them. not even during holiday. they are sort of like part-time friends. u see them at school, u talk, then after school u go separate ways and thats the end of it.

at the age of 23, i think making new friends is just unnecessary. exhausting even. i think socializing is exhausting, i cant handle too many people at a time. some of them will slip away.

but now when i dont have any classmates/friends who can signed my attendance for me when i have to skip class, without asking any questions i kind of wonder am i really that hateful (hence i dont have that kind of friend)? or is it because the people around me are just bunch of uptight bitches??

:(

sigh.

saya penat.

i need to go jogging.

can i just quit medicine now?? like realli realli quit?

everytime i listen to lenka, i think of dublin. lenka was probably my best friend back then in dublin. she was there during my bus journey back home, during my window shopping, in lecture hall while waiting for lecture to start.

is it just me or lagu lenka memang bernada sedih? because i feel sad everytime i listen to it now.



p/s: i went to OT today, saya pakai scrubs itu terbalik. poket kat belakang. rofl. ok kamu boleh gelakkan saya beramai2 sekarang.
pp/s: boleh kan kalau saya nak berhenti belajar? i dont have passion for it anymore. :(

satu juta

haha tomok dah menang satu juta. bila lagi nak melamar ai?

The rule of 3.

i have this rule that i invent for myself. the rule of 3. i will try 3 times, and then if its not meant to be then i will let go.

i have tried 3 times, but i guess its just not meant to be.

i get ur answer already, and i respect that.

so u are now deleted from my phone book. hahaha

i think im a lil bit sad.



p/s: byk org brekap lately, im sad for them. n for myself too.
pp/s: i think i need a cigarette now. or prozac. or new shoes.

saya rindu semua orang hari ini.

saya ialah pemakan sos cili sekarang. saya mula obses dengan sos cili sejak awal tahun ini. sebelum ini saya ialah pemakan sos tomato. sejak obses dengan sos cili saya rasa sos cili sangat sedap sehingga saya makan sos cili dengan nasi jika nasi saya tiada kuah. begitulah betapa obsesnya saya dengan sos cili.

but as i was eating fries and sausages with ketchup now (malas nak pegi ambik sos cili di dapur, kebetulan dalam beg ada sos tomato), i realize how much i miss ketchup.

masalah orang gemok

saiz badan tidak berkadar langsung dengan umur bukan? tetapi kenapa orang selalu ingat saya lebih tua daripada kakak saya semata-mata kerana dia kurus? mana adil!!!

malam tadi mimpi saya macam dejavu.

shitness

uuu... cepat la this week habis so that i will not need to tumpang sesiapa to go to seberang. cepatlah masa berlalu. cepat cepat.

ok sekarang bunuh saya pula, please.

saya tidak faham kamu, saya benci kamu.

kadang-kadang saya rasa mati lebih bagus dari mintak tolong dari orang. yes i'm damn arrogant. saya memang tidak suka susah. tidak boleh susah. saya benci susah, sebab susah akan buat saya menangis. saya jarang menangis, cuma ketika susah dan melihat adegan percintaan yang touching di dalam cerita saja saya menangis. tahap susah itu subjektif, mungkin bagi kamu perkara itu tidak susah, tetapi bagi seseorang yang tidak mahu merasa sedikit kesusahan pun seperti saya, sedikit susah pun sudah jadi problem besar.

sekarang mari kita mengkaji dari akar umbi (saya sedang prektis menulis karangan untuk pengajian malaysia) kenapa saya tidak suka susah. sebab bila saya susah, saya akan TER-paksa meminta pertolongan daripada orang lain. (seperti saya kata di permulaan, saya rasa mati lebih bagus dari menyusahkan orang lain) bila kita meminta pertolongan dari orang lain, itu bermaksud kita sudah terhutang budi terhadap orang tersebut. terhutang budi ini bukan lah perkara yang bagus kerana terhutang budi boleh menimbulkan perasaan kurang enak di hati saya. dan saya paling benci berasa kurang enak di bahagian dada dan abdomen (heartburn, gestrik dan period pain termasuk dalam kategori ini. oh cemburu juga boleh menimbulkan perasaan kurang enak ini). selain itu, terhutang budi juga perlu dibayar kalau kamu tidak mahu membawa nya mati. selalunya saya cuba kurangkan perasaan bersalah kerana menyusahkan orang dengan wang. tetapi wang ternyata tidak boleh membeli segala-galanya. kerana wang masih tidak boleh menghilangkan perasaan kurang enak di hati saya dan ekspresi tidak ikhlas di wajah orang yang diminta pertolongan. (siapa kata wang itu powerful? small matter macam tu pun x boleh nak uruskan)

oh tetapi jangan salah anggap, saya suka bukan suka, tapi sebab cepat kasihan dan tidak sampai hati, saya akan menolong setiap orang yang meminta pertolongan dari saya, kadang-kadang orang tidak minta pertolongan pun, saya offer untuk tolong sebab tidak sanggup dengar cerita dan rintihan hiba mereka. yang membuat saya sakit hati ialah apabila saya memerlukan pertolongan (sebab saya rasa mati lebih bagus dari minta pertolongan orang, jadi perkara-perkara yang saya perlukan pertolongan maksudnya saya memang tidak boleh melakukan nya secara perseorangan atau memang tiada alternatif lain) kawan-kawan yang saya tolong tadi seorangpun tidak mahu bantu. bukankah itu pelik? dan selama ini saya benar-benar percaya yang buat baik akan dibalas baik. saya masih percaya itu, dan saya sentiasa menunggu kebaikan datang kepada saya. haha bajet diri sendiri banyak sangat buat kebaikan.

saya rasa saya memang tidak pandai handle manusia sejagat. kerana saya memang betol2 rasa tidak selesa dengan kehadiran manusia manusia baru dalam hidup saya. contoh masa petang tadi masa saya berenang, ada jiran (perempuan) bersama anak-anaknya berenang, saya terus rasa tidak selesa walaupun dia baik teramat. atau semasa saya duduk seorang diri di kafe, tiba-tiba ada kawan sekelas datang duduk di sebelah, saya mesti jadi tidak keruan. adakah itu normal? kadang-kadang saya tidak faham manusia, kenapa insenstitive sangat? kalau orang duduk seorang bukan maksudnya dia tidak ada kawan. sometimes she just needs her fucking space! duduk meja lain yang kosong boleh kan? lagi sakit hati bila dia datang duduk dan tanya soalan 'sorang jer?mana si A dan si B?' atau 'apesal makan sorang-sorang?mana si A, x makan?' kesimpulannya saya memang tidak suka diapproach oleh strangers. macam mana nak mengavoide ya? tolong ajarkan boleh?

kenapa manusia tidak faham kadang-kadang wujud manusia yang memang tidak suka bercakap dengan orang x dikenali/x rapat? comfort zone saya luas amat, memang tidak selesa dengan kamu-kamu. saya ada kawan sekelas yang sudah kenal 2 tahun letak kepala di bahu saya, saya rasa nak tepis (2 fucking years pun maseh tidak selesa ok, jangankan strangers baru kenal minggu lepas). lelaki hensem boleh cuba heheh. mungkin tidak akan ditepis.

saya sungguh kecewa dengan manusia. kerana pada abad 21 ini bila manusia makin menjadi selfish, dan cuma berkawan untuk kepentingan diri, masih juga tidak faham yang saya tidak ada apa-apa kepentingan yang boleh diberi kepada mereke. jadi kepada kamu-kamu yang secara tidak sengaja masuk ke blog saya tolong sebarkan kepada manusia lain, comfort zone sheila sangat luas. minimal human contact please. (kepada org yang masuk secara tidak sengaja sahaja, orang yang masuk dengan sengaja mungkin sudah berada dalam comfort zone.lol)

yes i'm fucking arrogant and selfish. hate me, coz most probably i already hate u anyway. haha

penatlah layan kamu-kamu. benci.

i'm sick.

somehow i think i pick up TB from the ward.

end of medicine, welcome surgery.

i will start on my surgery posting (for the next 4 weeks) tomorrow. let us all pray that i will not be eaten by all the angry pigeon. amin.

lagi lagi saya, mana ada orang lain.

saya sgt suka roti kawen kebelakangan ini. sebab saya makan roti kawen pada waktu sarapan sahaja, jadi masa makan yang paling saya suka ialah sarapan pagi. apesal roti gardenia sedap sangat hah? lunch saya suka jugak sebab makanan kafe pmc sedap. dinner saya paling benci. sebab hari2 makan nasik goreng.

saya dah berenang banyak sejak wikend lepas apesal x kurus-kurus lagi ni?

kari kafe pmc sedap sangat. sedap macam kari mokyot. saya yang tidak suka kari pun jadi suka. hehe

tomok makin bosan. eh salah, rephrase, oiam makin bosan.

saya suka cerita matahari sebab dr shafiq dan asyraf gay. haha iqram sangat pandai berlakon jadi gay. ka iqram memang gay hah?

saya dah lama tidak lihat encik akif. jadi cinta saya semakin pudar.

tadi masa berjalan jalan di jalan penang saya ternampak jam casio yang background jam kaler puteh dan nombor dan jarum2 kaler merah. saya nak beli. sebab saya teringat cerita merah puteh bila lihat jam itu dan it looks fucking good at my hand too! uuu...ada sapa2 nak derma rm 103??

saya fikir bila dah kerja nanti saya nak beli honda jazz kaler merah. cepatlah masa berlalu! x sabar nak jadi doktor. haha

saya mahu ost talentime.

saya nak tengok shinjuku incident dan the sniper. cepatlah masa berlalu, nak pulang!

walaupun saya x pakai kasut perempuan (saya pakai converse hitam pegi hospital, itulah kasut yang pseudo-formal yang tidak menyakitkan kaki yang dapat saya pakai) tetapi saya mahu kasut perempuan warna mustard.

i think i have sore throat coz i consume too much water from the swimming pool. (i'm pretty sure mesti ada orang kencing dalam swimming pool itu. mesti!)

p/s: mana nak beli cd lenka?

tentang perempuan...

Kenapa perempuan mesti bitchy??

Kenapa???

Keep it cool la woman!



p/s: entri ditujukan secara general tidak ada kena mengena dengan kamu, kamu dan kamu.

paloi no 2 while talking to the patient

situation 1
'pakcik, pakcik ada TB ka?'
'ada, 29 inci'

LOL

hehe ini bukan saya punya patient, but my colleague.

obviously my colleague was asking about TB-tuberculosis.


situation 2
while percussing (percussion is when you put ur middle finger on patient body and then you tap the finger using ur other middle finger to listen to the note whether its resonance or dull) my patient chest:

'tap. tap. tap'

patient x: nobody's home.
me and my colleague: *blur* what?
patient x: yalah.. u knock knock, nobodys home.

LOL

situation 3 (of all the things that ive said to patient, this is the worse. which i still feel terrible about.)
the patient is a 13 year old, present with massive abdominal mass. the xray and ct scan remarkably show the large mass and effusion on the lung. (which i find very interesting to look at)
i was just finished listening to the patient's chest when one of my colleague come and ask what was the problem with the patient. the patient's dad is just sitting in front of me when i said this:

me to my colleague: tengokla xray die, seronok!
the patient's dad: wah..seronok eyh tgk x-ray? (nada sindiran)


so the moral of the story is in the future, dont let me be your doctor as i tend to say hateful things involuntarily.



p/s: izat texted me yesterday asking me to try roti gardenia butterscotch. so cubalah, kerana memang sedap. kalau ada rezeki lebih, beli sekali untuk saya. hehe

Paloi no 1 while talking to patient.

Its my 4th week going to the hospital. Today while i was examining 15 year old, who had diabetes; when just finishing my physical examination i said to my colleagues:

me: dia GEMOK. (i cant remember i was commenting on what, basically i was telling my friends i can palpate something because the patient is obese)

(pause for 1 second, and then realized i just call the patient fat right in front of his face)

my ayat cover: eh dik, sori ek kakak cakap gemok, kakak pun gemok jugak.

Gila paloooiiii...

sa-yo-na-ra!

im going to stop blogging. why? just because. hehe

as a goodbye gift, listen to this song, per fare a meno di te. i think the singer is italian since i heard this song a few times while im in italy. and i fell in love with it. and this afternoon, i look for it eventho i dont know neither the name of the singer nor the song title. i guess im just lucky coz i found it just after 10 minutes of searching. :D

sayonara!

mungkin juga saya bukan kakak yang cool sebenarnya...

other than Aminul, i actually have two other brothers. its just that i talked about Aminul too much in here that sometimes i think i left an impression that he is the only brother that i have.

anyway today i want to talk about Rezal, he's 21, currently studying in MMU. i havent been in touch with him for months, since i came back to dublin (thats in september and now its february already u do the math) i can actually count how many times that i actually talked to him. 5 or 6 times maybe, and its all only because he was at home, i called my mom's phone and he picked it up. i dont text, and i received 2 texts from him. thats the only contact that i had with him. i think i made it very clear that i dont care, and i dont want to know whats hed been doing. i just give up. (ok this sound a lil bit stupid, u cant give up on ur family)

so last week i went out with Dhil, she's my junior at abdilah college (now she study in dublin) and she used to be Rezal's bestfriend. we talked a lot about school, and she asked me about Rezal. and i said i dont know anything about him, havent heard from him for a very long time. she was surprised to hear this and she said 'i thought u two are very close'.

this little comment had made me realize that i cant ignored him forever. so now im trying to be more interested in his life. i buzz him whenever i saw him online. especially when his status is 'sangat sibuk'. just to annoy him to death. haha

its just that this is the brother that i had always been very proud of. but he failed me. twice. i used to think that hes the smartest in our family and i want him to achieve all the big things in his life. i want him to shine. i want him to make my parents proud. (ok puke puke, neyda org lain muji adik dikpun kedak tok??)

i used to get very angry whenever he said that he wanted to be a teacher. i hate his ambition. i hate it very much because i think he deserves so much more. (no offense to all the teachers out there, bakal2 cikgu, sapa2 yg nak jadi cikgu, no offense. i want him to take medicine or engineering, im only human, im greedy. huu) we argued about this countless of times. and then the spm results was out, im not impressed. i told him straight away to his face, in front of his friends that i am not happy with the result. i even get into an argument with my mom, she said we should be grateful, but i said he can do much much better than that. when i was in the car heading home i receive a text from him, saying hes sorry for letting me down. i cried.

time past, i forget about the result thingy, everything went back to normal, he got into mmu, we get along fine. we didnt see each other that often but we remain close. sometimes i tag along whenever he wants to meet up with his friends, when me and him went out and we got bored we always went to asyraf house together. and deng's house too. im very comfortable with all his friends. some of his friends i even keep in touch with. i always feel that me and him are alike. we r both extroverts ( i was an extrovet back then i think, haha. now i switch to introvert) we both have set of cool friends, we both loves to go out rather than staying home.

and then bit by bit things started to change. people change. he got very busy with his club activities, always shortening his holiday to go back to mmu earlier than it should, joining stupid orientation programs, joining stupid clubs, joining stupid student council etc etc. (maybe its not stupid at all, maybe im the only person that think its stupid) whenever i call him he always rushing to go to stupid meetings. i cant reach him most of the times. and then the worst outcome from it all is his gpa dropped tremendously. failed a paper?/few papers? (i dunno, i dont care)

and u know what i hate the most about this? he doesnt care. all he cares about is his stupid clubs, his stupid student council. 'oh nevermind i failed, as long as i am mr popular. i want everybody in mmu to know me.' stupid attitude. and waht some more with my mom endless support to his son whenever i try to say something about it. (really what a stupid excuse saying what he studied is very hard, cant memorize all the name of the tiny tiny electronic component. its the same thing dont u think? i try to memorize all the blood vessels, muscles, nerves, all the drugs, all the microbes etc. its hard too. i think every field of study is hard and has its own difficulties. people who takes chemistry had to memorize all the formula, the structural formula for organic element. i think organic chemistry is hell. everything is hard. nobody get a free pass)

anyway now im using 'aku x peduli' concept so he can do whatever he wants. like i said, i dont care anymore. hes an adult now, he can think for himself, whats best for him, whats best for his future. ill just try to compromise. and try to accept him for who he is. and try to support what hes doing. only try though. haha

a few weeks ago i went to his blog, he listed all the achievements that he'd done when he was 20, it was quite impressive really. how perfect will it be if it was acompany with good results on his transcript. sigh.

anyway writing about this, nampak sangat saya x cool. hoho coz i snapped when it comes to study. ok saya memang skema. padahal my result wasnt that good pun. *insert LOL 50x*

p/s: rezal's spm result wasnt bad, dont get me wrong, he did well. but i just want him to be like azid, went to melbourne to pursue his study. im greedy, i know. its tough to be my brother. coz i expect u to excel on ur study. scary isnt it? *wicked laugh*

pp/s: and rezal if u read this, u got to drop ur bad habit of texting 24/7 especially when ur driving and when we r in the middle of conversation. dont u realize it annoyed all of us to death??

ppp/s: not just rezal, but anybody. i hate it when people text or talking on the phone whenever he or she was out with me. wheres ur manners?? stupid ignorant bastard. talking on the phone for more than 15 minutes and left me all alone talking to the sand when we go to the beach. siryesly wheres ur manners?? hahaha

pppp/s: my mom will be pissed at me for writing this, i know. but there is such thing that called freedom of expressing ur feeling, no? lol

random rambling #3

saya akan balik ke kuching dalam masa 20 hari lagi. phew masa berlalu dengan pantas. saya tidak ada perasaan. tidak ada rasa esaited nak pulang, juga tidak rasa tidak mahu pulang. i feel nothing. i was complaining to raju yesterday about how numb i am nowadays, that i feel nothing and i dont want anything, and then suddenly he asked me, 'karipap mok?' dem. of course i want karipap. tempting2. so anyway im not that hollow and empty then. since i still want food. apa dikerepak ku tok? abaikan.

so sekarang saya memang sedang sangat broke. jadi saya tidak keluar rumah langsung cept untuk pegi ke kelas. jadi saya bosan. jadi saya menonton cerita korea dan taiwan. ada satu cerita taiwan ini sangat cool. sebab ada lagu tema yg berbunyi:

'yeah, wo shi superman'
'wo shi superman'
'wo shi superman'
'yeah, ni shi loser'

gila kool bukan?? yeah lagu itu dan lesung pipit jerry yang sungguh kawaii itu membuatkan saya tetap menonton cerita itu walaupun cerita itu bodoh ala ala kungfu dunk.

lelaki yang ada dimple memang sangat kacak. huu seperti lelaki dalam entri sebelum ini.

setiap kali saya melihat tangan jerry saya mesti terfikir agaknya bagaimana rasa berpegang tangan dengan nya. mesti sangat best. sebab tangan dia nampak sangat manly. hohoho ok ini macam ada sedikit pervert. saya memang sangat suka jerry. dan lelaki dalam entri sebelum ini, dan semua lelaki berlesung pipit yang comel.

dan juga lelaki bermuka melayu tulen yang kacak.

dan lelaki tinggi.

malangnya semua lelaki yang saya suka nowadays semuanya selebriti. hua hua

mari membuat list lelaki2 yg saya suka sekarang:

1. kim bum aka ji sung (lelaki dalam entri sebelum ini)
2. goo jun pyo
3. jerry yan
4. aaron aziz
5. kim rae won
6. joe jonas
7. matt damon
8. pierre andre
9. ally iskandar

ok cukup2, ada banyak lagi sebenarnya. hehe

nope saya rasa saya bukan saiko.

lagu talyor swift best juga kan? aminul sangat suka taylor swift. saya tidak suka. tapi lagu dia best. hehe

Macam mana x jatuh hati??

snow in dublin

AMARAN:
post ini ada sedikit vain kerana mengandungi TERLALU banyak muka *cough* sheila yang comel. yeah saya menyedari itu, akan tetapi i cant help it, i still want to put it here coz i look fucking happy in these pics. :) now that something that you doesnt see much these days. so just bear with it yeah? if u cant, just fuck off. hahahahaha *wicked laugh*

p/s: alisa, haha jeles sik ktak? rugi ktak pulang awal glak. hehehe
pp/s: i look like fucking retarded in 3/4 tracksuit and my flowery footwear. hahaha