cable car

how i miss to go for a vacation. how i miss strolling around unfamiliar city and admiring the architecture. how i miss having a cup of coffee and eating muffin at starbucks after a long walk. how i miss reading the map looking for direction no matter how bad i am at it. how i miss trying ice creams at every city i went to. how i miss the sunny weather in rome. how i miss the smell of marks n spencer's cookies whenever i enter jervis. how i miss the long bus ride from an lar to cabinteely. how i miss the morning walk alone to class to UCD.

last week when i was watching my lovely samsoon, there's this one scene when samsoon and samshik ride the cable car. suddenly i remember that i never get a chance to ride the one in barcelona. and having that thought make me upset. really really upset.

i want to go holiday! :(

whine

i have been trying to write (and whine) about how crappy last week had been but somehow i can't put my thoughts and feelings into words. i really really do want to let other people know how crap surgeons in hospital seberang jaya treated us last week. and how i have never been that exhausted (even though we practically did nothing at the hospital) because SJH surgeons had capabilities to mentally tortured us every fucking day. (by not doing their job)

but just now before i wrote this i visited ZA's blog and it stated there in the left corner of his blog ; "Walau macam mana celakanya kehidupan itu, ia tetap kehidupan." so i've decided that i'm just going to let it go. SJH surgeons, you all suck!

i'm sad because my 6 weeks surgery posting had to end this way. i had a very great time the first 4 weeks eventhough it was exhausting. even when i had to wake up at 5.30 am in the morning and be at the hospital by 6.15 am for bedside teaching or even when i had to come to the ward at 4.30 pm after class just to clerk case for mr eric. or even when i had to stand 7 hours straight in the OT during fasting month. but the last two weeks, is a waste of time and energy because i didn't learn much anyway.

and for yesterday OSCE exam, erghh i dont want to talk about it. :(

now here come multispec posting on monday! i have a feeling that i'm not going to survive this. hoho


p/s: mr. C cursed one h.o. in the clinic in front of one other doctor, 2 patients, one nurse and 5 clueless (and scared lol) medical students 'pukimak'. yeah, they're that bad. hmmm...

optimism

i'm very optimistic towards life. the only problem that i have is that sometimes i still live in the past. that i believe things that happened in the past still has some meaning in the present time. that is of course not the case.

people move on. i don't. that is my problem. even though in the present time, while living my life i also encounter new things and make new plans for the future, i without fail bringing stuffs that happened in the past with me.

and that is sometimes making it too troublesome.


p/s: i am (almost) certain that i want to be a surgeon. and hopefully can marry one. ;P

invisible

as medical students, at the hospital everybody think we are invisible. from the nursess to the housemen to the medical officers, to some specialists and consultants, they don't see us, hence they treat us like we are invisible.

but we are not. we are not invisible, we have feelings like all the human being out there.

so to the doctor with the green cap in the OT yesterday, we medical students are not invisible. at least have the courtesy to ask us to move before just going in front of us blocking our view while we were concentrating on looking dr. narinder suturing the lady's leg which i know that you yourself as a doctor probably already did suturing plenty of time.

p/s: don't you just hate people with no manners?

reason

as a medical student, i have been asked multiple times of my reasons of wanting to be a doctor. and it is one question that i hate the most to answer. last monday, Ms Lee asked my group that question and none of my group members including me can give her a reason why. and then she nagged us for half an hour just because we can't answer that.

it's not that i don't want to answer her question. it's just that i want to spare her from all the bullshits that she probably already heard for the thousand times already, the 'right' answer. 'i want to serve the public', 'i want to help the sick', 'my father is a doctor and i want to just like him because he is my inspiration' bla bla bla all the bullshits kind of answer. after all this is not some kind of medical interview, so i dont have to create fake reasons to impress her.

i remember asking one of the doctor in SGH couple of years ago that question. and what did he answer me? he simply said his reason with three simple words that i will never ever forget my whole life; 'because i can'. and that i think is the most honest answer that somebody had given me so far.

so what i'm saying is sometimes you don't need a reason to like or to want to be something. because there are some things that you just cannot explain and reason it out with words.

can't it just be because i like it very much? but don't get me wrong, i do want to serve the public. hehe ;P

and also the second question that doctors like to ask us, are u enjoying medicine so far?. and my answer will always be the same before, now and in the future. 'sometimes. most of the times'. because there is no such thing that is so perfect that you don't have a slightest moment of hating it eventhough you love it so much. got what i mean? this is not some sort of utopian world, imperfection is acceptable.

p/s: i hate ortho!

starting over.

im starting over.

think happy thoughts! :D

the surgeon in a purple shirt.

i am tired.


and both of my arms hurt.



and mr lim talked to me yesterday. hahaha ;)