madness...

The pain of wanting something you simply can't have.

Wanting so much that you make yourself and everyone around you miserable because you can't have it. It was madness, but we all did it. 'Why do people love those who are not in love with them? Is that not madness? Does a man go to the airport to pick up his brother when he has no brother?' It was madness, but we all still did it. Even when i could see the hopelessness, when i knew there was no chance whatsoever of getting what i wanted, i craved things, made myself sick over things. Even when i knew, no matter what i did, i couldn't have that thing.

-The Cupid Effect-

p/s: i hate it when i'm sick. i get cranky. and when i get cranky, i want something that i can't have. i want raj. huu :'(

content...

i want to sleep, but i just cant. my perut doesnt feel good. nak berak kah? period pain kah? lapar kah? gastric kah? i dont know how to distinguish what is what, which is which dah. i miss my mom and uncle daud suddenly but its 3 in the morning in malaysia now. so i cant call them. huhu i miss gayboy juak. this morning gayboy buzz me in ym but i was rushing to go to school, so cant talk to him. he said he wants to discuss something with me, i smell something fishy. i think he wants to borrow some money. haha

oh yeah my sis is not available juak. (she's in bandung) i want to call her and tell her about that raju incident. i'm sure she'll laughed sampe bergoleng2. wakakak di cepat pulang, i need u!~

despite of being sick, i feel content today. friends are all around me today. i feel blessed. :) thank you ten-ten, mimot, aizat shair, ur highness king raffel (i am so not calling him raju anymore after this. jerak!) and wanie. wanie ur sms make me smile. nope, actually laugh out loud. haha

ten-ten: pa polah kita lam tok dear? kita hug la.. (thank u for sharing ur story, at least i know i'm not alone. ahaks)

ur highness king raffel: ktak mok klaka ngan raju tek ka?

mimot: mr magic neyda kat kl sayang...

wanie: oo..aizat madah **** *****, ko tetak. ku madah alu knak sumpah. akaka

n my personal favourite (i dont mean to be biased ;P):-

aizat shair: sayang dah makan ubat batuk cap ibu dan anak?

p/s: people! people!~ when will we have moments macam lam gamba ya gk?? i really really really miss u guys. *hug*

what do we do? we swim swim...

what do u do when u miss somebody so damn much? when looking at the pictures doesnt make ur 'rindu' lesser? when all bloody tracks in ur itunes playlist remind u of that somebody? when u flip ur phone every 5 seconds checking for new message? when u want to hear that somebody voice but u just dont have the courage to dial his/her number? what do u do?

a. buat tindakan kamikaze. just pick up the phone and call him/her
b. wait until next monday to call him/her. (hopefully next monday u'll get the courage)
c. go jogging to release endorphine
d. puasa. (puasa boleh menahan nafsu. ngeh ngeh)
e. mencarut at him/her in a text message demanding him/her to give u a little bit of attention
f. forget about him/her completely. go study because ur final exam is in 3 weeks time.


i talk to a classmate (farouq) just now, he asked me:

f: so whats the story? do u have a bf back home in malaysia?
me: no.
f: so what is it? u dont want to have a boyfriend, is that it?
me: i dont kno. i dont really think about it. (my innerside screaming: i want to be ur gf!!)
f: *pause for 5 seconds, then talked with a very serious face* i'm not allowed to have a bf.
me: *LOL*

hujan batu di negara orang...

lately, slalu jak ada hujan batu di dublin. almost everyday ada hujan + batu. (sakit ok kenak hujan batu) n i thought pepatah lama (diksi) said "hujan emas di negara orang, hujan batu di negara sendiri, lebih baik di negara sendiri." but now hujan batu di negara orang, adakah itu bermaksud hujan emas turun di kuching? i better check with my mom. ngeh ngeh..

p/s: photo credit to willgorman @ flickr.

a day without electricity...

karangan saya hari ini bertajuk kepentingan elektrik dalam kehidupan. apabila rumah anda black out, apa perkara pertama yang anda lakukan? yeah, betol tu, sambung tido balik dengan harapan elektrik akan ada dengan sendirinya setengah jam lagi. ternyata percaturan itu sungguh silap kerana selepas beberapa kali sesi 'check for electricity and then dozed off back' elektrik masih juga tidak pulih. jam sudah menunjukkan pukul 10.30 pagi. saya semakin risau, saya terasa hendak makan spageti dan wedges goreng, akan tetapi jika elektrik tidak ada, saya tidak dapat memasak. oh tidak!! saya tidak mahu mati kelaparan. kawan-kawan serumah sebanyak 6 orang telah meninggalkan saya dan tina di rumah untuk bermain paint ball sejak jam 7 pagi tadi. (electric xde since 7am, kuang hajo bebudak nih dah buat dajal ngan elektrik meninggalkan org x berdosa kat rumah dengan xde makanan) saya bangun dari katil dengan malasnya, menuju ke kotak fius. (gyakah eja fius? fuse? ah lu pk la sendiri~) saya melihat semua nya normal dan on. (bajet electirician la tek)

saya pergi kepada tina, dan mengadu pasal ketiadaan elektrik. saya kata saya lapar (ya jak keja ko, tido makan. "lewat juak kau baruk bangun tido alu nak majoh" bak kata raj last week. caka juak klaka kasar glak gya ngan ku.. cibeng!) saya kata pada tina, kalau pukul 11.30 elektrik maseh tiada, marilah pergi ke favourite fried chicken untuk membeli ayam goreng. tik tik tik detik berlalu dan menunjukkan 11.45 pagi. (layap maca buku the kite runner) elektrik maseh tidak berfungsi.

saya dan tina bersiap siap untuk ke kedai ayam kentaki. singgah ke dunnes untuk withdraw duit, saya beli selipar rumah yang baru. 4 euro. sampai ke grafton, tukar bas, tunggu bas jap, bas datang, kami pun naik. perut ku sungguh lapar, nasib baik belom masok angin, kalau tidak confirm kentut berkali2 dalam bas. sampai kedai kentaki, order 4 pieces fried chicken, 6 pieces spicy chicken wing, 1 quarter pounder. hambek kau, order ikut nafsu. hahah don wori, i dont finished it all, 2 pieces of chicken, 3 chicken wings, and a burger jak. malam makan megi. diet nak?? please dont tell uncle daud i eat that much.

eh sambung cerita elektrik, eh before that, i sempat flirt ngan abang kedey kentaki, nyuroh nya bukak branch dekat ngan my house, because i complained that we have to take 2 bus to come to the kedey. and he gave us a plastic bag after that, how generous of him. (one plastic bag cost us 22 cent here in ireland, and he gave us for free. usually we use paper bag, and today it was raining heavily, so a plastic bag would be handy)

oh ya speaking of the rain, first time i heard and see thunderbolt and lightning in ireland today. very very horrible weather today. tina and me got home at 3.15 (spend 3 hours on bus just to buy ayam goreng, how stupid is that???) jalan jam, pissed me off. i mean apesal jalan nak jam pukul 2++ petang hari sabtu?? WTF?? i hate dublin! overcrowded lah dublin, even the city centre is not big enough untuk menampung semua shoppers2 sekalian. berjalan di city centre on the weekend macam nak pegi nangga konsert masa malam merdeka.

ok when we got home, we were very optimist that electricity dah ada, turned out maseh juak x ada. i'm really pissed dah la perut lapar, nak masak air x dapat, masak nasik x dapat, pake microwave x dapat, masak megi x dapat, internet xpat pake, nak telefon mak mengadu nasibku yang malang pun x dapat. then i eat my burger, then suddenly terfikir nak call ESB company, and the machine said at city west memang ada gangguan bekalan elektrik.

me: eh tina, rumah kite kat mane ek? city west ke?
tina: yelah kot. eh ke rumah kite south??

bengong kedudukan rumah sendiri pun tidak tahu. then i thought maybe i should talk to a real person rather than a stupid machine. so i hold the call and the ESB person said other residents in our area x komplen pun pasal electricity problem. but she would send somebody to check our house anyway. bla bla bla dipendekkan cerita orang ESB datang said, its not the ESB problem maybe the fuse terbakar or something. u have to call electrician or ur landlord. i call pat the landlord from hell, masuk voicemail, leave him a message suroh datang tengok rumah, and of course, being a landlord from hell, he never get back to me. not even a text, or a call to check if everything is ok. f*** u! and then my other housemate bukak yellow pages, carik electrician, half an hour later the pakcik come, and then another half an hour later, the problem is solved. cost us 140 euro to replace the burned fuse. (fused?)

from today experience, i learned that electricity is very important indeed. no actually what really cross my mind is: thats y u shud use dapur gas instead of dapur elektrik. (berfikir untuk menyelamatkan perut jak, sik senonoh betol) and also jangan pakai phone cordless, gunalah telekom aka TM. and cgek gk if u knoe where ur landlord live, masa halloween pakat ramai2 ngan housemate nikam telur rah rumahnya.

oh panjang pulak kerepakku, actually i want to sleep. k tata.

p/s: semalam in my post i said hujan cepat turun, hari tok hujan kilat guntor sekali turun. be careful on what u wish for...

p/ps: gambar hiasan tidak ada kena mengena dengan post ini.

sedih :'(

this song makes me sad. so its officially my new 'putus cinta' song.

engkau bukanlah segalaku
bukan tempat tuk hentikan langkahku
sesudah semua berlalu
biar hujan menghapus jejakmu..

hujan cepat turun!

busy giler babi nak mampus...

yay! marilah kita menyumpah. erkk.. i'm tired. so i'm gonna sleep for three full days non stop. i'll glue my butt to my katil so i wont get up even to go kemeh. ok kawan2?? i'm not available from today until monday. leave a message if u miss me. kroih...kroih.. kroih.. tido sudah? sempat x nekan button publish post tok??

so little time...

whoa. just finished my exam yesterday. yay! i am so depressed and tensi lately. SUSAH GILA BABI ok! sometimes i just feel like crying. sob sob jangan jadi medic student ye adik adik di rumah, itu nasihat kakak. rephrase balit, i always annoyed with people yg salu discourage urg jadi doktor, adik adik di rumah, if u want to be a doctor, jadilah! its hard, but blaja suma pun susah. if u have passion and patient for it, sure can lah! gambatte!

i plan to write about these things: krisis menteri besar terengganu (yep yep i dah stat baca hal politik now), kenny sia (the famous blogger and malaysia model apa ntah nama rancangan ya pun judge), my tumour final exam pun questions, books yang bersusun2 di atas lantai ku yang menanti untuk dibaca, new cecelia ahern's novel is out!!! err what else ha?? i want to comment about bob, mila, af6. n oh yess... cinta baru ku: Nabil si Raja Lawak.

ngeh ngeh now that exam dah habis, maka saya pun menjadi malas secara tiba-tiba. so of course la i'm not going to write about all those things that i mention nak. bengong. pa ta ko ya? (monolog)

ok ok tulis skit la.

krisis menteri besar terengganu: Daulat Tuanku! Sultan Mizan, ur cool! (err masok ISA sik mun madah Agong cool?) Pak Lah, LOSER.

Kenny sia: check out his blog. http://www.kennysia.com/ he's damn funny. april fool riya, i singgah sebentar buat kau tersenyum eh ya lirik lagu hujan, i singgah sebentar kat blog nya and see this weird announcement saying that he quits blogging. at first i was like : WTF Kenny??? and then i reread the announcement again, only to found this tiny thing at the bottom of the page saying "wait, whats today's date again??" he got me! cibeng u kenny. and his latest post about cleo 50's elligible bachelor pun edition. at first he kutuk2 cleo and girls yang baca cleo merendahkan self esteem lelaki yang x tersenarai dalam list ya. i keep reading coz the way he writes about conversation of two girls browsing the magazines is damn funny and gedik, only to find out that he's no 46's on the list!!! nice.

my tumor final exam: my ngek lecturer suddenly changed the question from short answer to essay. WTF peter?? cant u see we dont do good on our midterm?? its only an elective subject fo God sake. and then he post up few sample question:

1) Write an essay outlining and tracking the processes and techniques involved in extracting clinically useful information from specimens to generate a surgical pathology report.

2) Write an essay outlining the differences and similarities in the features and techniques used to diagnose carcinoma and lymphoma.

3) Write an essay discussing the factors effecting prognosis and outcome for patients with malignant disease with particular reference to:
i) the usefulness and limitations of traditional histopathological assessment
ii)the opportunities offered by emerging techniques in molecular cell biology

dont worry if u dont understand a thing what he's asking, i dont juak.

books: i currently have 3 novels on my waiting list. (susah doe mengawal diri dari membaca buku cerita semasa musim exam) Things i want my daughter's to know, the kite runner (hv u watch the movie? its good. really.) and men are from mars and women are from venus. (haha lamak dah nak baca buku tok) and also cecelia's thanks for the memories is just released, but i havent buy it.

bob, mila, af6, nabil: bob, he's just superb lah. performance masa ABP last sunday was fucking awesome. mila, i lyke ur song! mila bila cinta and aku lebih tahu duak2 best. cayalah, wazzup wazzup! af6 maseh boring seperti biasa or shud i say fucking boring? nabil. uwaa bang bil i lerp u! sesiapa yang belum lagi melihat atau mengenali nabil si raja lawak sila layan raja lawak di youtube sekarang! nabil best!! ka ku sorang yang sik kenal nabil sebenanya? lekak dah abis competition baruk nak nangga?? lu pk la sendiri~~ (u claimed that ur depressed pasal xm and yet u still managed to catch up on all these shows. gne ya?? xplen ckit!)

ok ok ku nak kench lok jap and then sambung nangga ayat-ayat cinta. nak nangga mena ka cita tok best glak. last nite nangga dunia baru the movie, best juak. ok lah... elyana rambut kaler ijo? WTF??