oren: February 2009

other than Aminul, i actually have two other brothers. its just that i talked about Aminul too much in here that sometimes i think i left an impression that he is the only brother that i have.

anyway today i want to talk about Rezal, he's 21, currently studying in MMU. i havent been in touch with him for months, since i came back to dublin (thats in september and now its february already u do the math) i can actually count how many times that i actually talked to him. 5 or 6 times maybe, and its all only because he was at home, i called my mom's phone and he picked it up. i dont text, and i received 2 texts from him. thats the only contact that i had with him. i think i made it very clear that i dont care, and i dont want to know whats hed been doing. i just give up. (ok this sound a lil bit stupid, u cant give up on ur family)

so last week i went out with Dhil, she's my junior at abdilah college (now she study in dublin) and she used to be Rezal's bestfriend. we talked a lot about school, and she asked me about Rezal. and i said i dont know anything about him, havent heard from him for a very long time. she was surprised to hear this and she said 'i thought u two are very close'.

this little comment had made me realize that i cant ignored him forever. so now im trying to be more interested in his life. i buzz him whenever i saw him online. especially when his status is 'sangat sibuk'. just to annoy him to death. haha

its just that this is the brother that i had always been very proud of. but he failed me. twice. i used to think that hes the smartest in our family and i want him to achieve all the big things in his life. i want him to shine. i want him to make my parents proud. (ok puke puke, neyda org lain muji adik dikpun kedak tok??)

i used to get very angry whenever he said that he wanted to be a teacher. i hate his ambition. i hate it very much because i think he deserves so much more. (no offense to all the teachers out there, bakal2 cikgu, sapa2 yg nak jadi cikgu, no offense. i want him to take medicine or engineering, im only human, im greedy. huu) we argued about this countless of times. and then the spm results was out, im not impressed. i told him straight away to his face, in front of his friends that i am not happy with the result. i even get into an argument with my mom, she said we should be grateful, but i said he can do much much better than that. when i was in the car heading home i receive a text from him, saying hes sorry for letting me down. i cried.

time past, i forget about the result thingy, everything went back to normal, he got into mmu, we get along fine. we didnt see each other that often but we remain close. sometimes i tag along whenever he wants to meet up with his friends, when me and him went out and we got bored we always went to asyraf house together. and deng's house too. im very comfortable with all his friends. some of his friends i even keep in touch with. i always feel that me and him are alike. we r both extroverts ( i was an extrovet back then i think, haha. now i switch to introvert) we both have set of cool friends, we both loves to go out rather than staying home.

and then bit by bit things started to change. people change. he got very busy with his club activities, always shortening his holiday to go back to mmu earlier than it should, joining stupid orientation programs, joining stupid clubs, joining stupid student council etc etc. (maybe its not stupid at all, maybe im the only person that think its stupid) whenever i call him he always rushing to go to stupid meetings. i cant reach him most of the times. and then the worst outcome from it all is his gpa dropped tremendously. failed a paper?/few papers? (i dunno, i dont care)

and u know what i hate the most about this? he doesnt care. all he cares about is his stupid clubs, his stupid student council. 'oh nevermind i failed, as long as i am mr popular. i want everybody in mmu to know me.' stupid attitude. and waht some more with my mom endless support to his son whenever i try to say something about it. (really what a stupid excuse saying what he studied is very hard, cant memorize all the name of the tiny tiny electronic component. its the same thing dont u think? i try to memorize all the blood vessels, muscles, nerves, all the drugs, all the microbes etc. its hard too. i think every field of study is hard and has its own difficulties. people who takes chemistry had to memorize all the formula, the structural formula for organic element. i think organic chemistry is hell. everything is hard. nobody get a free pass)

anyway now im using 'aku x peduli' concept so he can do whatever he wants. like i said, i dont care anymore. hes an adult now, he can think for himself, whats best for him, whats best for his future. ill just try to compromise. and try to accept him for who he is. and try to support what hes doing. only try though. haha

a few weeks ago i went to his blog, he listed all the achievements that he'd done when he was 20, it was quite impressive really. how perfect will it be if it was acompany with good results on his transcript. sigh.

anyway writing about this, nampak sangat saya x cool. hoho coz i snapped when it comes to study. ok saya memang skema. padahal my result wasnt that good pun. *insert LOL 50x*

p/s: rezal's spm result wasnt bad, dont get me wrong, he did well. but i just want him to be like azid, went to melbourne to pursue his study. im greedy, i know. its tough to be my brother. coz i expect u to excel on ur study. scary isnt it? *wicked laugh*

pp/s: and rezal if u read this, u got to drop ur bad habit of texting 24/7 especially when ur driving and when we r in the middle of conversation. dont u realize it annoyed all of us to death??

ppp/s: not just rezal, but anybody. i hate it when people text or talking on the phone whenever he or she was out with me. wheres ur manners?? stupid ignorant bastard. talking on the phone for more than 15 minutes and left me all alone talking to the sand when we go to the beach. siryesly wheres ur manners?? hahaha

pppp/s: my mom will be pissed at me for writing this, i know. but there is such thing that called freedom of expressing ur feeling, no? lol

saya akan balik ke kuching dalam masa 20 hari lagi. phew masa berlalu dengan pantas. saya tidak ada perasaan. tidak ada rasa esaited nak pulang, juga tidak rasa tidak mahu pulang. i feel nothing. i was complaining to raju yesterday about how numb i am nowadays, that i feel nothing and i dont want anything, and then suddenly he asked me, 'karipap mok?' dem. of course i want karipap. tempting2. so anyway im not that hollow and empty then. since i still want food. apa dikerepak ku tok? abaikan.

so sekarang saya memang sedang sangat broke. jadi saya tidak keluar rumah langsung cept untuk pegi ke kelas. jadi saya bosan. jadi saya menonton cerita korea dan taiwan. ada satu cerita taiwan ini sangat cool. sebab ada lagu tema yg berbunyi:

'yeah, wo shi superman'
'wo shi superman'
'wo shi superman'
'yeah, ni shi loser'

gila kool bukan?? yeah lagu itu dan lesung pipit jerry yang sungguh kawaii itu membuatkan saya tetap menonton cerita itu walaupun cerita itu bodoh ala ala kungfu dunk.

lelaki yang ada dimple memang sangat kacak. huu seperti lelaki dalam entri sebelum ini.

setiap kali saya melihat tangan jerry saya mesti terfikir agaknya bagaimana rasa berpegang tangan dengan nya. mesti sangat best. sebab tangan dia nampak sangat manly. hohoho ok ini macam ada sedikit pervert. saya memang sangat suka jerry. dan lelaki dalam entri sebelum ini, dan semua lelaki berlesung pipit yang comel.

dan juga lelaki bermuka melayu tulen yang kacak.

dan lelaki tinggi.

malangnya semua lelaki yang saya suka nowadays semuanya selebriti. hua hua

mari membuat list lelaki2 yg saya suka sekarang:

1. kim bum aka ji sung (lelaki dalam entri sebelum ini)
2. goo jun pyo
3. jerry yan
4. aaron aziz
5. kim rae won
6. joe jonas
7. matt damon
8. pierre andre
9. ally iskandar

ok cukup2, ada banyak lagi sebenarnya. hehe

nope saya rasa saya bukan saiko.

lagu talyor swift best juga kan? aminul sangat suka taylor swift. saya tidak suka. tapi lagu dia best. hehe