busy as a bee

i've been very busy. well actually im not that busy, (maybe not yet) but all the driving and moving around had made me very tired and hence, i feel busy. wait wait not feel busy, i am busy. lol anyway im in the process of moving on from my life. and i have taken another big step and hence nowadays i feel so restless (and again, makes me busy). im in the process of changing my number. but changing my number is a very big step. it means that im going to really say goodbye to (some) people. and i keep thinking whether its right or whether im ready. because after this, it really is goodbye. and goodbye is a sad thing. yeah so i've been restless this few days. and my leg still hurt and it still woke me up from my sleep every night. and it also the cause of my inactivity nowadays and it makes me feel guilty because i dont work out at all. and i also need to keep myself motivated to lose weight. new target now is 73 before 28/4 because i have appointment with my dietitian that day. i have a lot in my mind. huhu

i've always telling others how i am a selfish person. and i really believe that i am a selfish person. but i am also a pleaser. i tend to please people. i keep thinking because i am such a selfish person, i need to be unselfish. and i keep wanting to make everybody happy. but what makes their happy make me miserable. but i keep doing it, because i am such a pleaser. i once think that i have to finish a very crappy dinner at this one stall just because i dont want the cashier (who has been very nice to us everytime we ate there) to feel unhappy because i dont finish my food. thats how bad this sickness of pleasing people that i have. and now im thinking i want to stop. i want to be able to say no firmly, without feeling afraid of hurting others. but it is such a hard thing to do. but im gonna try. sigh. why is life so difficult and twisted.

ps: i miss baby blair
pps: i want coffee really bad.