oren

hate is such a big word

2011-10-18T21:14:00.003+08:00

its been how many days that i started working? 52? 80? 94? i lost count. i remember my first two weeks, its crazy, coz i was still tagging, which means i need to stay from 6 am till 10 pm every day. but during that time i honestly think that working is fun. oh well the fun part lasted about two weeks maybe? now i just hated working. well maybe not this week since I'm too free this week. ;p no wonder they say urology posting is like honeymoon period. i was free since 2.30 pm. i sat there in the ward doing nothing, waiting for 5 o'clock to come. don't hate me for that. i didn't asked to be posted in urology ;p.
besides i already suffer 1 full month in neurosurgery. when i first started in neuro 1 month back i was on the verge of tears every single day, because there was just not enough time to finish all my work before the pm round. i couldn't even do my pm review on some days!
i hated working nowadays. have i mentioned that already? I'm just so tired. and frustrated. because i couldn't get any leave this month. its tiring working 24/7 without any off day. i want my holiday! i couldn't even stay in touch with my friends because most of the time I'm too tired to reply the messages or call them. and i was always in a bad mood after i came back from work because i was hungry and tired. don't even have time to eat lunch! i lost 10 kg since i started working. but then now my weight's fluctuating coz i binge eat whenever I'm stressed. ;p and my mom keep telling me to watch my weight since its not easy to lose some but i always gave her the same reply. 'i work damn hard and now ur telling me i couldn't eat what i like?' heh.
i applied my leave for next month already hopefully it got approved. its ok if i dont get to go to ikea, the idea of doing nothing at home sounds good enough. but i really really really want to go to ausralia though. or ireland. ive been missing dublin. i wish im a med student again. minus the exam. haha
and i hate that i don't have any friends to eat lunch with. damn, i really am an anti-social! i wish i was a kid again where making friends is so much easier.

What a wonderful world.

2011-07-07T20:00:00.000+08:00

This video/commercial brought me to tears..

Made it! MB BCh BAO

2011-06-13T19:10:00.004+08:00

Made it as a doctor after 5 ~~miserable~~ years of med school!

Thank you for all the doa's and prayers, words of wisdom, hugs and kisses, support and for having my back these 5 years.

Yaay for me!

road to final

2011-05-28T23:38:00.003+08:00

2 days before final. i started to have palpitations . and last night i was having nightmare about finals. luckily i couldn't remember what the dream was about. i wasn't really feeling the stress but i think my body feels it. because that's the only reason why my period was late (3weeks+ late) rrriiitee? i couldn't be prrreggyy rriiittee??

wish me luck guys!

Pretty / Unpretty

2011-04-28T23:46:00.002+08:00

p/s: You can't hear the world laughing at you if you laughing harder -Bobby Cobb-

facebook

2011-04-27T00:23:00.003+08:00

facebook is scary. i think i spent more than 3 hours on facebook each day. scary isn't it?

the scary thing about it is you didn't even realize that you spent that much time on it. i rarely stalked people, i spent most of the time playing cityville/farmville. but when i start stalking, its like i cant stop. there's so much people in it! celebrities! sportsmen! people from the past! high school sweetheart! primary school sweetheart! mom! brothers! sisters! frenemies! present people! interesting people! people who currently live in japan/korea! people who work in sarawak government hospital! people who recently got engaged/married. and so on.

a friend used to say to me that stalking people on facebook sometimes make her depressed. because somehow you think your life is not as interesting as theirs. somehow i can relate to that now.

well, now that i know stalking isn't healthy, so i definitely will stop. but how do i stop from playing farmville?

obsesi hujung minggu

2011-04-25T21:19:00.006+08:00

mempersembahkan obsesi terbaru saya: inianwarhadi

Anyway watch his video k, and subscribe to his channel. he's kinda cool and his videos is not all talk and funny stuff, but also gave advices. Like for example the video above, is telling about how congregational prayer is better than praying alone. :)

p/s: sekarang betul2 rasa nak terbang pegi sydney sebab bajet kalo dah sampai sydney boleh jumpa inianwarhadi. bole kan inianwarhadi? bole kan? ;p

filem melayu

2011-04-15T11:28:00.001+08:00

kenak dialog filem melayu cheesy gila babi nak mati???

why o why??

malu ok mok denga.

p/s: mok tengok CUN :(

Candles

2011-03-19T14:56:00.004+08:00

I'm addicted to this song from Hey Monday. Watch it first in glee, a duet from Kurt and Blaine. Couldnt find that version on Youtube though.

Revenge

2011-03-18T00:12:00.003+08:00

"I was once deceived. Moreover, I was deceived by my own blood relations. I shall never forget this. When my father was alive, they behaved like decent people. But as soon as he died they turned into scoundrels. The effect of the injury that they did me in my youth is with me still. It will be with me, I suppose, until I die. What they did to me I shall remember so long as I live. But I have never taken my revenge on them. When i think about it, I have done something much worse than that. I have not come only to hate them, but the human race in general. That is quite enough, I think."

Sensei, Kokoro by Soseki Natsume.

Glee another amazing episode

2011-03-17T20:43:00.003+08:00

Another amazing episode from Glee this week. my few favourite moments:

Blaine to Kurt: “Kurt, there is a moment when you say to yourself, ‘Oh, there you are. I’ve been looking for you forever’” swoon.

Rachel's singing Get it right. so powerful and emotional that i cried.

Kurt and Blaine's duet. Candle's. damn sweet.

the Wablers. i love their singing scenes.

mr surgeon in the pink shirt

2011-03-11T22:21:00.003+08:00

had teaching with mr surgeon in the pink shirt today. and surprise surprise, he did wear pink!

and the teaching was exceptionally good. and he called me sheila. just sheila, not shasheila as stated in my name tag.

and today is a very good day since mr surgeon in the pink shirt praised me. ;)

and his hands are still as pretty as ever! and he still as handsome and smart as ever. and i still like him as much as 2 years ago. and then i realized he's 37 this year. and for a second it grossed me out coz he's old. and then i realized i'm 25. and everything is ok again. haha ;)

p/s: to be fair, in my opinion i dont deserve the praise since the question he asked me is a very simple one. but am still happy. :)
pp/s: never heard of the word enterocutaneous fistula as much as this week before. its haunting us. heh.

I'm a gleek! also a bruno lover. haha

2011-02-14T17:21:00.004+08:00

i haven't watched any glee lately. last episode that i watched is the one with Gwyneth Paltrow in it. and i thought that was like the best episode ever. but then today since i'm skipping due to pure laziness (51%) and diarrhea (49%) so i finally catch up to glee.

and 'Furt' episode is the definitely the best yet. they were doing Bruno Mars' in that episode. and since i'm hopelessly in love with Bruno nowadays, so i might be bias. hehe ;)

but seriously have you guys listened yet to bruno's album? its brilliant! and also there's this song, 'somewhere in brooklyn' (its not in the album, but u can get it in the EP) and its damn addictive. and i also like 'the lazy song'. it makes me lazy. haha

anyway just listen to me, watch Glee if u haven't watched it yet and also get a copy of Bruno's album.

And....She's back!!!!!

2011-02-13T15:19:00.000+08:00

Everything At Once by Lenka from James Gulliver Hancock on Vimeo.

me, the reader.

2011-02-03T00:52:00.003+08:00

sometimes when i'm with a company of a good book, i have this idea; that i want to quit everything of what i'm doing right now, and be a full time reader instead. i want to just read. and drink tea in the interval.

i am currently in a sucky mood right now, because i just read a book and the book had just has the worst ending. i'm not sure i'm mad because the writer had the need to kill the girl when they are finally happy or is it because hell i didnt see that one coming.

sigh.

its my one week chinese new year holiday and im sulking. because its a holiday and i didnt get to go home. not that doing particularly nothing other than watching lots of movie on my laptop and eating is not a bliss, but still if i had a choice i want to be home. maybe thats why i havent phone home yet since the holiday started.

anyway back to the reading topic, i found this new british author i think he's british David Nicholls. and i love his work. i had always love the guy author because the way they write is full of humor and charm and the conversations is witty yada yada yada if u get what i mean. u know, the conversation that sounds something like they conversed in the social network hehe brilliant movie by the way fucking love it. err this started to sound that im rambling like a maniac so im off now. tata and happy chinese new year!!!!! and i fucking love Jay Chou! o yeah!

25

2011-01-25T00:54:00.002+08:00

I'm 25 now. :)

There is nothing else that i'm wishing for other than to pass my final exam in June. Please please please God make it come true. Amin.

I havent had my birthday celebration yet (meaning i haven't blow out candles and haven't had my birthday cake). So i'm going to secret recipe to buy myself a cake later.

Thank you for all the wishes and gifts! :)

p/s: totally didnt freak out by age-ing now. haha

thanxs 2010, u've been very good to me.

2010-12-28T14:14:00.007+08:00

now that 2010 has come to end, i have to say something about it don't I?

2010 was not as bad as 2009. it was an ok year. at least its not as heartbreaking as last year right? if 2009 is a year of heartbreak then 2010 is the year of healing.

lets recap a little bit on what 2010 had been about. (not on chronological order)

1. older sister getting married

2. i passed all my exams (really thought that i'm not gonna make it)

3. met and fall in love with O&G

4. went to genting, finally! (vow to self to not come there again ever, after!)

5. became a K-POP freak (ashame of it sometimes but what the hell). i already cured fr this disease. now i'm only a K-drama freak. lol

6. 2010 is the year of avatar. greatest movie ever made.

7. it is also a year of inception. best movie ever. period.

8. first time watching movie in 3D o yeah.

9. watched malay pun cerita hantu, what the fuss about kak limah wei? still not my cup of tea. even though some scenes were really funny.

10. decided that i will give up on dieting. lets face it, i will not succeed in this ever. HAHAHA

11. Its the year of SECRET GARDEN. anybody who hasn't watch this series, is missing a lot i promise! hyun bin and ha ji won are really2 good actors!

12. books. what book i read this year? finally get to read jd salinger; catcher in the rye. its so hard to find a good book lately, and also i dont have that much money to buy any anyway. but recently bought ice cream girls by dorothy koomson. very good book. other than that, i re-read books that i had read before. like the kite runner. and curious incident of the dog in a night-time. and the chocolate run for the 4th or 5th time. etc etc

13. i discovered james morrison and fall in love instantly with his music.

14. ruby finally succeeded in giving birth to 3 kittens yg berbulu tebal.

15. spain won the world cup!

16. and malaysia won the AFF suzuki cup!

17. went to sibu! nice city.

err... thats about it la kot? cant think of anything anymore.

Lets hope that 2011 will be even better and full of happiness. Amin.

I now welcome you 2011.

p/s: hopefully in 2011 i have the title Dr. in front of my name. Amin. do pray for me!

movies....

2010-11-02T09:12:00.005+08:00

1. Wild Target.
One word: fucking awesome. Ok that's two words. I downloaded this movie because of Rupert Grint (big fan of Ronald Weasley, ehem ehem. and HP7 is coming very very soon). I watched this during my study week, can't resist the temptation. lol. It is hilarious and has awesome soundtrack. There's this one song, from Regina Spektor, 'the hotel song' and i remember recommending the song to some friends when i was still in Dublin. Really bring back memories of Dublin. I tried to find the whole soundtrack but i cant, and too lazy to download the songs one by one. heh. And Emily Blunt. Oh Emily Blunt! She's damn charming and beautiful. **spoiler alert** The one thing that doesn't really work out for me is the movie doesn't show clearly how Emily Blunt fall in love with Mr. Maynard. But overall the movie is awesome and fun.

2. Buried.

We watched this last Friday for our sort-of-congratulatory-party. And i know how lots of people hated this movie and said its boring. But for me, honestly its a good one. Maybe a-lil-bit-of awesome. But not fucking awesome. So what makes it a-lil-bit-awesome? No 1, because the director chose to shoot the entire movie in the coffin, doesn't have any scene that shows outside world. Not even for one second. And they only have Ryan Reynold as the actor. Other character was only introduced by their voice (but there's a scene where they show Pamela Lutti on video, but that's only for a few seconds, so it doesn't count). No 2, the so-damn-awesome ending. No 3. Ryan Reynold. haha. I like him a lot since The Proposal. Oh wait.. maybe from Two Guys and A Girl. No actually..its from way before, from when the sitcom was initially called Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place. Anyway the movie is not for everybody i guess, so prepare to be bored if this movie is just not your kind of thing.

3. Wall Street.
I can't remember how long ago i watched this, but the movie is boring for me. I wonder why so many people gave a good review of this movie.

4. The Life As We Know It.
I decided to watch this because of Katherine Heigl! And Josh Duhamel! It's a fun watch really.

final med

2010-11-01T21:38:00.001+08:00

i am officially a final med now. wohoooo~

and guess what? im going to be in kuching for the next 9 weeks. :D

on crappy day like this, i miss u

2010-10-22T01:15:00.001+08:00

i miss u. but i dont know if i say i miss u to you and u dont say it back i'll stop missing u. and because of that, i cant say i miss u. but i do!

sad

2010-10-21T18:25:00.000+08:00

i'm sad. n tired. k bai.

i'm just saying 2

2010-10-13T19:02:00.002+08:00

anyway my post earlier in 'im just saying' seems hanging so im going to continue a little bit on my rant.

anyway continuing on about the kind of life that i want to live, deep down i might still hope that i can live like that someday but truthfully i just didn't see it will come true. because as you grow older, your responsibility get bigger. so all the bullshit that you seem to believe earlier when your young seems to fade. about living for yourself and not for someone else. that's just bullshit. you know that you can't live alone and just abandone your responsibility as a daughter, as a sister, as a grandaughter, as a friend, as a citizen and the list goes on.

so im just saying im fucked. haha ok get back to study. oh how i hate medicine now.

i'm just saying

2010-10-13T10:14:00.005+08:00

i whined a lot when i was in dublin. i was bored. bored with medicine, and bored with my set of friends back then that i think dont know how to enjoy life. (seriously, have u ever befriend a medic student? they can be pretty boring esp. during exam period. but what the hell, im also am like that. i cut all communication with outside world during exam period)

i remember one summer when i came back from dublin i was really keen on quitting medicine. because i thought at the time i was seeing the bigger picture of life. because i thought at that time i dont want to be a cliche. that is get my degree, be a doctor, get married and have kids. i just want to be an anti-cliche. i want to travel around the world, not just travel, but actually living in the country for a while, make money from being a waitress in small coffee shop, and during weekend i'll walk and walk and taking pictures of the place. and ready to leave again when i have enough money to purchase a plane ticket for my next destination. that's the kind of life that i want. because i believe that life is something that u should enjoy. and u should live for yourself and not for anybody else. (funny when i think of this, japan always popped into my head)

but who am i kidding? i can never live like that kan?

and now i think studying is just not my thing. sure, i get ok result (by ok i mean low average. haha) but for the studying part? its just not a do-able thing for me. i cant study. or i wont study? im not sure which one is it, cant or wont.

review filem: MAGIKA no spoiler, i promise

2010-10-03T20:55:00.003+08:00

i never planned to watch magika actually but last week a friend from India came to visit and because we dont know where to go to here in penang so we decided to go to movie instead. ok lah to be honest i actually did want to go watch magika but the desire wasnt that strong.

why i want to watch magika in the first place?
reason no 1. its a musical! i have a thing for musical ok. (i love high school musical and its not only because of zac efron, damn he's hot. and camp rock?? totally lovin' it! and sell out, and hindi movies? does that count? hehe)
2. because its malay version of alice in wonderland.
3. because its different and i like different. (eventhough i rarely watch malay movie, i watched pisau cukur (solely because of fazura) and setem (because its different!)

BUT... because there's mawi in the cast as BAD (lol), it kind of draw me back. besides there's wall street showing.

anyway im so glad i watched it! eventho at that time i realli want to watch wallstreet instead. the story is very simple, but the movie as a whole, is FUCKING AWESOME. i dont really like diana's acting but she's allright. at least she's better than mawi. i think mawi improved but heck how would i know if i never watch any of his movie before. but he wasnt that bad. but not good either. other characters are all awesome i think. especially ziana zain.

and the songs. edry is such a musical genius. all the songs are very pleasant to ear. and my favorite song/scene is when diana and pak pandir singing and then later joined by mak andeh. so cute and funny and so musical like!

lastly, i love it how its so colourful in the magika land. damn beautiful. the colour of the grass, of maya's clothes, the sky seems so vivid and clear. love it!

satu tahun

2010-08-29T01:42:00.004+08:00

i miss u too much these few days. too much that i feel like stalking ur fb but i didnt. i feel like texting or calling but i cant. im scared that u'll hate me if i do so. (and also because i lost ur no. heh)

i dreamt of you yesterday morning. and i was actually happy because we were ok again but then i get up (because i have to pee) and then i realized it was just a dream and after a year (almost) i still miss u too damn much.

first time i fall in love

2010-08-21T14:56:00.002+08:00

i was watching prosecutor princess, and there was this scene that prosecutor yoon asked prosecutor jun to marry him using a rabbit soft toy that can sing 'will u marry me bla bla bla...' and attached to the rabbit red muffler (rabbit is using muffler you see) is a ring.

i remember few years back i bought a soft toy. it was white and have a big heart at the centre and when u press the heart it let out phrase 'i love you'. hee so tacky. :D

but of course i never gave the person that i like at the time that thing. im too shy to do so. but that was the first time that i bought a present for someone that i like. u know that feeling, shy, excited but embarrassed at the same time. its the first time i ever felt like that.

oh well im too naive at the time. ;P

p/s: happy ramadhan! :)

i havent blog for so long

2010-08-07T00:25:00.002+08:00

1. i havent blog for so long. just finished paeds exam last friday. and im still recovering from feeling traumatized by the short case exam. i think i did okay in eliciting signs but the description part im totally out. and for the second case till today i still cant get the diagnosis for the syndrom that the child have. lets just pray hard that i passed the exam because i dont feel like going back to do it once more.

2. now im doing psychiatry rotation. i dont like it. i spend most of the time during the lecture playing games with my phone. i cant help it, either i feel very sleepy or i feel bored. but the drug lecture just now is quite ok. but i always like pharmacology anyway so it doesnt mean that im starting to like psych.

3. ok i am now very sleepy but i still want to go on typing crap.

4. i just bought new shawl grey in colour just now. and it is so pretty. its cotton. i feel pretty wearing it. haha

5. i went into borders just now. havent been into it for a veryyyyy long time. i fucking like borders. mixed emotion i had just now. feel like crying, happy but sad at the same time, elated maybe with wild euphoria as well. because borders is just toooo aweeesooommeee. too fucking awesome that i feel like living there for the rest of my life. even better if i can work there. i dont mind commute from pulau tikus to queensbay everyday if i can work there. anyway i found something really awesome just now at borders. i found kokoro by natsume soseki. it is one of my favorite book ever. and i've been looking the book in english for years. YEARS ok. and i finally found it! of course i didnt buy it because i dont have the money. its fucking expensive rm 63 for a normal size paperback. can u imagine buying a paperback for rm63? its new translation!!!!!!!!!! 2010 punya edition. this dicovery is fucking epic. hoho exaggerate much? lol i dont care. anyway i read kokoro in malay when i was in KMB and its like one of the best novel that i've ever read. i fucking love it. eventho it was a malay translation back then and it is for our malay literature class. but still it was awesome! i want it i want it i want it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont think i can sleep tonight coz im too excited about it.

6. im starting to read again. ive stopped for quite some time and i think the last novel that i read is catcher in the rye by jd salinger. a very very good book.

7. i cant find my books the curious incident of a dog in night time and a thousand of splendid suns. did anybody borrow it from me?

8. ok dah malas nak pk and tulis and edit this thing. bye. gudnite.

heart murmur

2010-06-16T20:08:00.003+08:00

i got the right diagnosis of a heart murmur today! at last. Happy to the moon. :D

p/s: and Dr. Koh praised me as 'pandai'. happy to the moon! ;D
pp/s: in fact he said, 'dah lame x jumpe student pandai macam ni'. did i mention that im happy to the moon? ;D

team basikal

2010-06-14T23:15:00.002+08:00

saya mahu team basikal sendiri! hoho one more year.. one more year and hopefully by then i will have my own team! and we will cycle around the city during the night. lol

p/s: my o & g results came out today. eventho i expected the mark to be that way, why am i still sad?

shaken

2010-06-13T22:32:00.002+08:00

i have not think of you for so long. the thought of you have not crossed my mind at all lately. but today my happy state got shaken up because of one dream. and you have been on my mind ever since.

oh well, i'll allow it just for today. just for today.

p/s: so lazy to go to school. i demand a month holiday during this world cup season!
pp/s: and i just want to go home...

season finale spoiler alert!!!

2010-05-23T09:52:00.005+08:00

and the winner for the best season finale goes to:
actually its a tie between private practice and grey's anatomy.

private practice recap:
cooper and charlotte is engage!!!!
dell died when everyone is focusing on maya and her baby. that is too cruel for betsy. cant stop crying watching this finale. :(
addison and pete are finished. and pete and violet are together again? and finally sam and addi are together. i hate it! i love pete and addi!! huu

grey's anat recap:
meredith's pregnant! and later had a miscarriage. sad :(
derek was shot!
cristina and owen and teddy. yawn. move on please? i want cristina to be with jackson? lol
mark and lexie and alex. another yawn.
bailey and mandy moore (cant remember the character's name) and charlie? (cant remember the mercy west doc also) sad and very good scene!!!
reed died too fast and it was fucking crazy. head shot! dem i'm so traumatized by this.
and arizona and callie are back together again. well im not a fan of lesbian scene. why dont they make a gay scene next season? lol

yawn season finale:
house and gossip girl.

house:
fat embolism? hoho i kinda expect it.
and house and cuddy are together now. and it just dont work out for me. cuddy didnt really show that she actually like house.
and wats up with thirteen? huntingtons setting in is it?
big yawn this finale.

gossip girl:
chuck and blair ooh.. chuck was shot. but dont worry i read from the spoiler that he will not died, he will definitely came back next season. and she didnt get to hear the proposal! dem yu jenny humphrey. im so glad that you will be gone for a very long time. what a bitch. and oh yea, georgina is pregnant. and i really hope that they just let serena to settle down. nate-dan-dan-nate-nate-dan??? make up ur mind woman. and wadefak with dan? he likes serena again?? so twisted and fucked up. i hate gossip girl!!!!!!! maybe i'll stop watching next season. its too ridiculous.

and now i have to finish my case write up. lol

p/s: the only reason i hate summer is because all the series will stopped airing for 3 months and i was left with no series to watch now. :(
pp/s: no. of series watched this season is cut down to 5. i let so many series go. sigh. been busy. :(
ppp/s: the 5th one is glee. ;)

teacher's day

2010-05-16T13:32:00.001+08:00

happy teacher's day to the surgeon in a purple shirt.

p/s: my uncle past away early this morning. hope the family will be strong during this difficult period. al fatihah.

of dying (and death)

2010-05-14T23:00:00.003+08:00

my uncle is very sick. dying. and i dont know what to do. or what to say. im always bad with this sort of things. i really dont know what to say to his family, to my sister, or to my mom when they told me about him.

my sister and i have a lot of conversation about him. and i never felt comfortable talking about it. that sometimes my reply seems a little bit cold because its too fact-ful and realistic. i wish im better at this.

hard time

2010-05-13T23:18:00.003+08:00

at a hard time like this i wish that clock will just stop ticking and the world will just stop moving. and i want to be stuck here at present time forever, cant go backward and refusing to move forward.

random secret #2

2010-05-13T23:16:00.003+08:00

i've been here in penang for one year+ but up till today i never had penang laksa.

vocab for today

2010-05-10T21:01:00.000+08:00

Winkle Pickers.

of anger

2010-05-10T20:45:00.004+08:00

dont know whether its the bad sate that i ate at padang brown just now, or whether because i had my period or whether it is because i feel shy towards dr megat because i told him the wrong topic for today's teaching just now, today i feel less angry.

random secret #1

2010-05-09T23:44:00.003+08:00

occasionally at random times i put hujan feat. raihan's raya song in my wmp playlist and listen to it eventho its not raya season. -.-

a letter to a 14 year old me

2010-05-05T21:26:00.003+08:00

dear 14 year old sheila,

as you grow older, u will find that some things doesnt occur as you thought it will be. u will came across few things that u never thought will happened, and few things that u never think will affect you deeply, things that you thought you hate but only later to find that you love it.

you always think of Paris and Eiffel tower as cliche and only for hopeless romantic and when people say they want to visit Paris you wanted to puke your stomach out. but only later you know that it is actually romantic and breathtaking and it will be one of your favourite city. and Eiffel is so magnificent that your heart literally stop for a few seconds when u saw it for the first time. (eventhough it is only made of steel).

you always thought that you are a forgiving person but you only realize at age 23 that actually you are not. and when you were hurt deeply it takes a very long time for the scar to heal.

you always thought that you wanted to be a surgeon. and when you enter surgical rotation you actually believe that surgery is your soul mate. but then you havent met obs and gynae at that time. and you always thought that obs and gynae is the 2nd biggest cliche after paris and you will only realize that you actually like obs and gynae a bit too much once you enter 2nd week of your obs and gynae rotation. you like it too much that sometimes it hurts. (lol) and you realize that babies are beautiful and they dont look like a one day old mice at all. and you will also realize that you dont want to give birth by caesarian section because you worry that you might die due to pulmonary embolism because its too painful after that you dont want too move at all.

you will never thought that you actually cannot drive manual car. and the fact that you will only get your license when you're 20, not 17 like you always thought.

and the most shocking thing is that you hate learning mandarin eventhough it has always been your dream to learn it. you'll hate it so much that you feel like crying everytime you want to go to mandarin class.

you will never believe it but you will actually get a chance to study abroad. before this every time you saw the salam perantauan column in newspapers during raya season you always said that you want to study abroad but even then you never really thinking about it. and what you did not expect the most is the fact that you dont have a really good time there and you were miserable almost all the time.

you will never believe it when i say that you will eventually evolve from an extrovert to an introvert.

thats all i can think about now. i shall write to you again once im wiser and older. hahaha take care of yourself and just bear with school. i know how much you hate it.

p/s: skip clasess as much as you want because you will never get into trouble from it.

love,
a 24 year old you.

how can u be so good looking???

2010-04-13T00:21:00.003+08:00

p/s: my obsession these days. the one that makes me HAPPY. the one that keep me sane. ;)

jerry yan yg sgt kacak bila memakai baju pejabat.

2010-04-05T15:50:00.003+08:00

i'm happy(ier)!!!

:D

p/s: good-looking actors really make me happy. lol

tengah malam layan lagu korea memang feel

2010-03-30T00:13:00.003+08:00

i seriously have no idea how to write a discussion for the survey that we conducted last month. seriously no idea.

rasa nak nangis pun ada.

and im keeping my fingers cross so that the health promotion campaign this Thursday is a success. please. especially the pap smear test. pretty please.

stress.

p/s: lapar. stupid diet. can i just stop now? i dont really need to be thin.

life update

2010-03-27T23:39:00.003+08:00

i need a new phone because this one i have keep dying on me. actually you know what i dont really need a phone since i dont use it that much. so new phone can wait. so if u cant contact me, it is not im ignoring you alrite. contact me via fb! hehe

and also i will be finishing with public health in 1 week time. after that i will be doing O&G. babies here i come!

ok thats all. babai

p/s: im 78.5 kg now. have exactly one month to lose another 5.5 kg.

public health (is why im very busy)

2010-03-12T22:15:00.002+08:00

im doing public health rotation now. its a 8 week course, and i just finished the 5th week. have 3 more weeks to go. first two weeks is all about lecture, third week is all about planning the survey, 4th week is conducting the community survey in teluk bahang, and now i am currently attach to district health office (DHO) in seberang perai utara district for two weeks.

im not going to talk much about teluk bahang, i dont really enjoyed the whole thing, because i dont really like talking to people and all. but that was a different story. but dont get me wrong, there are still a few things that i like about teluk bahang, especially the villagers, they are super nice. (just that me myself dont like to talk) and also we get to ride the boat and there's glowing sand, really bring back redang's memory. i miss redang!

now what i really want to talk about is about the DHO posting. this week my group were attached to environmental health unit. and that unit is further divided to other smaller units. there are CDC, BAKAS, KMAM, FQC, KPAS, vector unit etc. and this last week had been so much fun and we really learn a lot. A LOT. hoho

and i personally think that what BAKAS do is the most interesting. BAKAS is bekalan air dan kesihatan persekitaran. and i want to share this because its not really medical stuff, but more towards taking care of health by improving the environment. basically what BAKAS do is:
1. water supply (bekalan air)
2. pour toilet (tandas curah)
3. sullage water management (sistem pelupusan air limbah)
4. solid waste management (sistem pelupusan sisa pepejal)

about the water supply, not many people know this, but there are still lots of people out there who cant afford to get the clean water supply. and what bakas do is giving subsidy to others who need the clean water because apparently to set up the system for getting clean water supply will cost at least rm2000. furthermore they also build toilet to those who doesnt have any toilet at their home. (and we went to this one village and there is this one toilet that bakas built, and the bakas officer said there is currently 5 family using that very same toilet. can u imagine that? dont you think that our life is too good to be true compare to them?) and it is the same for the sullage water and solid waste management, they set up better system to manage those so that people can live in clean environment. clean environment, better health. dont you think what those people did is very noble? i seriously was moved. hohoho more reasons to serve the public!

p/s: we managed to go for fogging yesterday. once in a lifetime experience!

hating the present time

2010-03-12T20:36:00.003+08:00

now, the present time is officially sucks because i cant buy books whenever i want. because lately i've found so much good books to read but i cant afford them. it sucks big time.

p/s: if God willing, i want to go to redang island again. and hopefully can still meet the tour guide badrul, because we the ungrateful guest didnt get to say goodbye to him and i am still feeling guilty for that.

busy as a bee

2010-03-09T21:09:00.004+08:00

i've been very busy. well actually im not that busy, (maybe not yet) but all the driving and moving around had made me very tired and hence, i feel busy. wait wait not feel busy, i am busy. lol anyway im in the process of moving on from my life. and i have taken another big step and hence nowadays i feel so restless (and again, makes me busy). im in the process of changing my number. but changing my number is a very big step. it means that im going to really say goodbye to (some) people. and i keep thinking whether its right or whether im ready. because after this, it really is goodbye. and goodbye is a sad thing. yeah so i've been restless this few days. and my leg still hurt and it still woke me up from my sleep every night. and it also the cause of my inactivity nowadays and it makes me feel guilty because i dont work out at all. and i also need to keep myself motivated to lose weight. new target now is 73 before 28/4 because i have appointment with my dietitian that day. i have a lot in my mind. huhu

i've always telling others how i am a selfish person. and i really believe that i am a selfish person. but i am also a pleaser. i tend to please people. i keep thinking because i am such a selfish person, i need to be unselfish. and i keep wanting to make everybody happy. but what makes their happy make me miserable. but i keep doing it, because i am such a pleaser. i once think that i have to finish a very crappy dinner at this one stall just because i dont want the cashier (who has been very nice to us everytime we ate there) to feel unhappy because i dont finish my food. thats how bad this sickness of pleasing people that i have. and now im thinking i want to stop. i want to be able to say no firmly, without feeling afraid of hurting others. but it is such a hard thing to do. but im gonna try. sigh. why is life so difficult and twisted.

ps: i miss baby blair
pps: i want coffee really bad.

my perfect day

2010-02-28T22:36:00.003+08:00

it should start with coffee. or having a breakfast at mcd(with coffee). and then a stroll in a park. lunch. next is spending hours in a bookshop reading books. then tea. finito

p/s: i want to try hiking. cant wait! cepatla sembuh kaki ku (yang pendek).

blue

2010-02-27T23:01:00.003+08:00

im still trying to get the dieting thing going on. other than that im practically doing nothing. cant swim, cant jog. i did try swimming yesterday for half an hour, and later at night the pain keep me from sleeping well. the pain is so bad today that i need to buy myself ponstan.

im feeling hateful right now. im full of hate. other than hate, i feel empty. i guess im a bit depressed. but i dont know why im depressed. anyhow i think all of these will go away soon. but now, im just going to stay low and be lazy and be silent.

p/s: happy birthday to kingdom!

i really really hate dieting.

2010-02-10T22:24:00.003+08:00

i started dieting (is this the correct term for it? i think so. lol) 39 days ago. 39 days ago i weigh 86kg. and as for today i weigh 82kg. and i swear 2 days ago i was 80.5!!

dieting is a very very frustating process. sigh. its like once u hit 82, and that was it, u cant lose any weight anymore. dem! i keep fluctuating around 82, 83, and 81. shiiitttt! its like the weighing scale is playing a little game with me just to annoy me.

and this week, my motivation is a little bit low. and i think it is because of the karipap. karipap kafe sgt sedap. hehehe the day before i ate one. yesterday i ate one. today i ate 2! fucking karipap keep seducing me. and i started to think about food again. and i started to feel hungry again. before this i was fine. i was very motivated, keep my diet right, and i work out too! every single day. sigh. maybe i should jog again instead of swim.

anyway i was texting my sister last night asking her when she's coming to penang so that she can buy me all the delicious foods. and her reply was 'stop thinking abt food. will make u hungrier' and i was like ' i cant' and she replied again 'u can! think abt those pretty clothes that u cannott fit into' and i told her 'but i dont like clothes as much as i like food' which is very very true. i love foods. and books. lol

and now im craving for breeks's mash potato. its the best mash potato! really!

and i just came back from mior's b'day party and now im 83 again. told ya that weighing scale playing game with me. waaaddeeeefffaaakkk...

why dont u just shoot me now.

thaipusam

2010-02-02T13:29:00.002+08:00

towards a healthy lifestyle

2010-02-01T19:12:00.002+08:00

today, every time dr rashid mention the word overnutrition, its like a stab into my heart. lol

therefore my goal this year is to be fit. short term goal is to be able to jog from end to end of gurney drive without stopping. long term goal is to be fit during housemanship years so that i didnt cry because of over-exhaustion. lol

i need a running shoes. for the person that steal my running shoes, i curse you.

p/s: dr rashid is the new public health head of department. he is such a good lecturer and for that i am very grateful because public health is torture. ;P

because i believe in karma

2010-01-28T10:34:00.002+08:00

to: all backstabbers, haters, liars out there

sometimes people said or did something that really hurts you. make you feel helpless, sad, angry. and you cant sleep at night because of that something that he/she did to you. but you know what? i dont give a fuck anymore. because starting from now on, people that keep screwing me over and over are just irrelevant to me now. you are irrelevant. so im not going to waste my time feeling anything about what you did or said to me.

screw all of you, because even though i can be a bit selfish sometimes, but i am a good person. and i never hurt anybody. not intentionally at least. but people keep hurting me. and that is just fucking unfair. its like that im the only person that believe in karma. and all of you dont. thats why you keep hurting people isnt it? and even when all of you screwing me over and over and over again, even then i keep my mouth shut. i keep it to myself. and i dont even know why i did that. to protect this so-called friendship i guess.

argghhh i cant do this anymore. if you people are my friend, why are you this cruel? jeopardizing my relationship with my family. posting something about me in fb and then let others sent hate-comments about me. calling me a psychopath in your blog. and you call yourself a friend? shame on you!

so now i want you ask all of you this, what i've ever done to you? think about it really hard. what i've ever done to you? WHAT I'VE EVER DONE TO YOU?? did i murder someone in your family or something? did i?

and for your info, nothing that you did will take away my good night sleep from me. maybe you should try harder.

live long and prosper

2010-01-15T17:34:00.002+08:00

i watched star trek 2 days ago. and oh i fucking love it! i remember a while back when the movie was out, i told everybody that im not going to watch the movie, no matter how awesome it is. at that time, i believed that if i can fight my curiosity just once in my life, i win. me against the world, and i won.

lately, often that i went to movie not because i really want to watch it, but because the review is good. you see, i am a very very curious person. i want to know what the big fuss is all about. take 2012 for example, everybody is telling me about how good the movie was, and as a curious person, i fall into that big conspiracy?/scam?/trap?. (lol) turned out that movie wasnt that good, just mediocre. its a good entertainment, ill give it that, but its lack of the storyline, and predictable, have bad actors and bad script.

and the latest fuss in town is about avatar. did i ever tell you how much i hate sci-fi? and i initially never want to watch avatar, but again as a curious person, i went to watch it. and i think its fucking awesome!

anyway this bring me back to the point, which is that maybe, just maybe i dont hate sci-fi. after all, i love star wars very much. and now i love star trek too! live long and prosper!

p/s: i used to have a friend that when i say may 'the force be with you', he understood right away i was talking about star wars. and i missed that friend when watching star trek the other day.

avatar

2010-01-09T20:04:00.002+08:00

so today once again me and the housemates went hunting for avatar 3-d tickets. we actually wish to watch it today but of course when we arrived there tickets for today's show has all been sold out. and so for monday night. (didnt bother to ask for tomorrow. heh) so we have to settle for tuesday, 3pm show.

p/s: weather in dublin is horrible. the temperature up to > -10 C. crazy! somehow i think if i was there i will not survive. i can barely breathe at -2 C. hoho and because of that prof cusack said all the schools in dublin are closed until next thursday.
pp/s: madness isnt it? more reason why we should save the environment! recycle people, recycle!

quick update

2010-01-08T17:01:00.003+08:00

so i put back almost all the old entries back in this blog. i deleted some entries that i think irrelevant to present time though. i dont write as much now that im back in malaysia. its because im getting busier and also life is uneventful here in penang. and maybe also because i dont feel anything. im going numb. i mean you cant write if you dont feel right?

watch avatar yesterday. AWESOME gila babi babi babi nak mampus. i feel like crying watching that movie purely because of it's awesomeness. and i actually willing to spend rm17 to watch it in 3d version but sadly the hall is full. so have to settle for 2d. but still, awesome ok.

im going home again on the 19th! fuh fuh im celebrating my bday at home this year. esaited! of all the birthdays that i had, last year is the most memorable one for me. because i celebrated it all alone. walking around dublin looking for a gift, watching slumdog millionaire, eating 2 scoops of ben n jerry, browsing books at eason and end up buying 3 books. love it! i love doing stuff alone.

anyhow now i dont have that much freedom. cant use the car or else somebody will get pissed. there's always somebody. and i hate it when people crossed with me so i stayed home. not that i care that much as i dont have money to spend anyway. heh

yeah and the new year is going super.

snow is white

2010-01-06T23:53:00.004+08:00

i heard its snowing again in dublin. so i browse through my friend's list in facebook looking for pictures. but sadly i cant find one. (but maybe it is also due to my lack of friends in my friend's list. lol)

i like snow. i like it when its white all over. (but i hate cold) so i envy people in dublin right now who can gaze the snow falling from the sky.

p/s: i hope i can touch the snow again. amin.

baby blair, ruby and the kittens(gen 2) and billy (jean)

2010-01-06T15:17:00.007+08:00

p/s: baby blair sgt comel skati jak tido rah cney2.
pp/s: billy (jean) itu bukan kucing keluarga Daud. soon mungkin. soon. (kidnap dia cepat!) lol

snippet of end of the year holiday

2010-01-05T22:26:00.007+08:00

* gambar tidak mengikut kronologi

1. i did learn the rubiks and can solve it.
2. i did went swimming and of course i didnt wear sunscreen.
3. i didnt manage to paint.
4. i didnt manage to finish EM portfolio.
5. i know i'm lazy. overall my holiday is a bit uneventful, but very relaxing. i stayed home most of the time playing with baby blair and watching streaming leverage. and eat lots of durian. and get fat.

p/s: fatin amira, kmk dh tgk sherlock holmes! and i think its BRILLIANT!!

2009

2010-01-01T10:13:00.002+08:00

overall, you SUCK!

welcome 2010. bring it on!

ronggeng

2009-12-18T09:50:00.003+08:00

exam dah habis, maka bermulalah acara ronggeng secara rasmi pada pukul 10 pagi semalam. padahal belom dapat result lagi kalau fail nangislah ko sorang2. huhu mintak2 takde fail amin.

1. acara ini dimulakan dengan acara meneman alisa membeli tudung di pasar chow rasta tapi selepas itu terikut2 juga membeli sehelai tudung padahal tgh sengkek dan bukannya selalu pakai tudung pon. erkk.

2. kemudian kami lunch dan pulang ke rumah untuk tido untuk mengecas tenaga kerana malam sebelumnya insmonia sebab telah terminum air coke pada pukul 8 malam.

3. pada jam 3.45 tepat kami bergerak untuk menghantar alisa ke airport.

4. kemudian bergerak ke kedai aksesori kereta kerana kazen jamiey memesan spoiler myvi tapi akhirnya kami tidak membeli kerana kazen jamiey kata mahal dan baiklah membeli di tawau sahaja. dan sebaik sahaja hendak ke kereta hujan turun dengan sangat lebat. beberapa saat kemudian a knight in a shining amour datang membawa payung dan memayungkan saya dan jamiey ke kereta. aww gila sweet abang penjual aksesori kereta itu walaupun rasa bersalah kerana tidak membeli spoiler dari dia.

5. kemudian saya dan jamiey dengan perut lapar hendak menuju ke secret recipe untuk membeli chicken cornish tapi kemudian lalu di depan winter warmers dan tergoda dengan ice cream waffle dan kami terus masuk ke kedai tersebut kerana ingin meng-experience 'afternoon tea english style'. walaupun ice cream waffle itu sedap tetapi kedai itu sangat overrated dan tidak lah se-warm yang disangkakan. OVERRATED. oh dan saya telah menjatuhkan pisau ke lantai dan bunyinya sangat kuat sehingga saya terkejut dan terus terblurt out 'sorry'. semua orang di dalam kedai melihat ke arah saya dan jamiey. yeah shasheila memang tidak sesuai dibawa makan beradab.

6. pulang ke rumah dengan tergesa2 kerana mahu menonton perlawanan akhir sukan sea malaysia menentang laos. sebab waiter2 winter warmers bebal ya amat dan service lambat dan hanya mempunyai satu mesin membuat waffle maka kami tertinggal 20 minit awal perlawanan. malaysia bermain dengan cantik terutama pada babak kedua perlawanan dan akhirnya menang 1-0. syabas!

7. kemudian saya dan jamiey pergi dinner di sup hameed dan makanan memang sedap. haha

8. kemudian kami ke gurney plaza lagi untuk menonton wayang cerita storm warriors. kesimpulan dari cerita itu ialah perempuan memang selfish dan perempuan annoying yg banyak cakap memang dibenci dan patut mati. hahaha

9. and that conclude the ronggeng day. now i want to shower and menyambung ronggeng lagi sebelum balik ke kuching petang ini. bye! and happy new year!

p/s: gambar ice cream waffle yg sedap ada dalam hp jamiey. jadi tidak dapat di upload. sekian terima kaseh.

mimpi

2009-12-15T09:19:00.003+08:00

malam tadi saya mimpi dublin. walaupun lokasi2 semua tempat saya mimpi itu tidak menunjukkan saya berada di dublin langsung, tapi dalam mimpi itu saya memang berada di dublin. kerana saya memakai tiga lapis baju sejuk menandakan betapa tempat itu sejuk.

kalu tak dublin mana lagi nak jumpa si FM merayau-rayau di shopping complex dan bila saya tanya dia 'u alone?' dan dia senyum sangat sweet dan menjawab 'yeah, why?' seperti nada mahu pergi menge-date dengan saya kalau saya ajak tapi saya yang bongok hanya menjawab 'just asking' sambil berlalu pergi.

gila hebat abstinence ko sheila, dalam mimpi ada laki hot depan mata pun ko xnak ngorat.

syabas! memang hebat! sehebat malaysia yang menang lawan laos malam tadi.

p/s: the other night i dreamt of overseas country jugak but i dont know which country but most probably germany.

cursing the slow internet

2009-12-12T21:39:00.003+08:00

1. internet lembap macam cibai. so i cant stream all those scrubs episode that i wanna watch again eventho i pretty much had watch em all.

2. i have this weird feeling in my chest. hence, i cant study.

3. but it might also due to my pure laziness. i cant decide which tho. its like having a period pain together with gastritis. i cant decide the dull pain in the abdomen is due to what.

4. they said there will be a meteor shower around 2 am this morning. i wanna watch but i dont wanna stay up late. lately i sleep around 12 and wake up at 8 every morning. dont wanna disturb that cycle. maybe meteor shower is a bit overrated. or maybe not. maybe i should wish for pass grade in ophtal and ent. yep yep better do that since im too lazy to study tonight.

5. i think i wanna sleep early tonite since i cant/wont do anything anyway. cant watch scrubs. dont want to study. sleep lor.

6. a cousin of mine is getting married at this hour i think. not that i care.

7. lately everybody is getting either bitchy or boring. including aminul.

8. im missing dublin more and more. not the coldness mind u eventho penang nowadays is sooo damn hot that studying at home is impossible without the air conditioner. actually i might not be missing dublin, but more towards the independent me in dublin. yep yep that must be it.

9. i hate clingy people. or maybe its just that i hate people period.

10. im gonna sleep now. tata

p/s: ifuckinghateROBERTPATTINSON. why dont you just go die?why why why??????? havent watch new moon tho.

plans for 2 weeks holiday

2009-12-11T20:45:00.002+08:00

1. learn the rubix cube

2. painting (with watercolour)

3. complete the EM portfolio

4. swim/jog everyday

5. +/- learn origami (if i have time)

money money money

2009-11-23T21:22:00.003+08:00

i'm having trouble with money lately. mara gave us a month rm 770, and out of that i need to pay my rent for rm350. and these last two months is the worse, because all the extra money that i have in the bank had all been used up which means i only really have rm770 to spend per month. which is obviously not enough.

and now i can see my parents' view about the whole money thing. how and why they keep objecting whenever i want to go for a vacation, or buying a new camera. i remember that we keep having a fight of how i keep using my scholar money to go for vacations. how i said that it's my money and as long as i didn't ask money from them then i'm free to do what i want with that money.

my principle is simple. it's okay to spend as long as it makes you happy. and that is why i never really care paying for rm10 ringgit for black coffee as long as its delicious. and why i keep planning and going on holiday as it makes me very very happy. but my father's view is very different. he keeps saying that we should save for rainy days and as for students your responsbility is to study, not spending money on unnecessary thing.

we had plenty of arguments over this matter. whenever i'm planning on going on a vacation, my parents would totally be cold to me, which i'm really sad about because of their lack of support and understanding. sometimes i think its very unfair and frustating. when your parents dont understand about your interest and passions.

but now, i'm started to feel that i'm wrong. and my parents are right. because when you had no money left especially when you really really need it, all the happiness that you get from all your vacations, or expensive coffee and ice cream that you eat doesn't make you feel better. and it sucks when your broke. really really sucks.

and i feel very guilty whenever i call my father saying that i want to go back home and i need to used his credit card to buy the flight tickets. i feel really really guilty. because however you think about it, it is so unfair that i keep using his money to buy my flight tickets to go back home but i'm thinking to spend my money on a vacation instead.

so anyway no more vacation for me then. and no lx3. im just gonna put my photography hobby on hold. so much of wanting to experiementing with lomo huh? and as i have nothing else to do then why dont i just get my lazy ass concentrating on studying instead?

p/s: thank god i'm not really into shopping. ;P
pp/s: ten, i think i need to put our plan on hold. but i'll keep praying that mara will give me extra money when the new year comes! lol

ultimatum!

2009-11-20T22:00:00.003+08:00

i'm very pissed with my classmates today. everybody knows how dr H hates late-comers. and still those people don't know how to be on time. wadefak people!

away we go

2009-11-17T21:06:00.004+08:00

AWESOME!!!!!

rindu

2009-11-14T08:57:00.002+08:00

"bagai mencari bulu di dalam beras" <--- aminul's attempt to say "bagai menarik rambut dari tepung". LOL

oh how i miss him.

p/s: aminul have a gf now. hehe

mourn

2009-11-12T15:32:00.007+08:00

i just went to the bank, and withdrew half of my entire saving. and now i feel like crying.

this is the money that i was going to use for my post graduation trip to china. the money that i planned to buy LX3 with, but because of my mom strong objection, i withhold the plan. the money that i planned to used to go to pulau perhentian next year (which i know my mom will strongly object to that idea too). i have plenty of plan for that money. and i withdrew it now to buy what?

diagnostic set that i know i'll used only once for this exam and then let it rust because i'm never going to use it again in the future.

let me mourn for a while. will come back with happy thoughts later. huu :(

p/s: no ps.

me

2009-11-08T19:58:00.002+08:00

i'm so sorry if i seems bossy. because sometimes i am.

i'm not a perfectionist, but there are things that will bug me if it is not done right. like for example, when going shopping i simply cannot leave the previously neatly folded shirts just like that after i took it from its rack. i will fold it back. little things like that bug me a lot.

that is why when i'm in the hospital, i will throw the wastes accordingly. syringes and needles in the sharp bin, gauze with blood on it in the yellow bin, and paper and plastic into the green bin. so i'm really sorry to anyone if i seems too bossy and tell them where to throw the waste on the correct bin. i'm really sorry if i annoyed the hell out of you, but i can't help it because it bugs me too much.

again, im sorry. i feel bad on telling people what to do, because i know how annoying to that person that can be.

p/s: had a great week doing emergency rotation. didn't manage to do any stitching though.

cable car

2009-10-24T23:13:00.003+08:00

how i miss to go for a vacation. how i miss strolling around unfamiliar city and admiring the architecture. how i miss having a cup of coffee and eating muffin at starbucks after a long walk. how i miss reading the map looking for direction no matter how bad i am at it. how i miss trying ice creams at every city i went to. how i miss the sunny weather in rome. how i miss the smell of marks n spencer's cookies whenever i enter jervis. how i miss the long bus ride from an lar to cabinteely. how i miss the morning walk alone to class to UCD.

last week when i was watching my lovely samsoon, there's this one scene when samsoon and samshik ride the cable car. suddenly i remember that i never get a chance to ride the one in barcelona. and having that thought make me upset. really really upset.

i want to go holiday! :(

whine

2009-10-24T22:39:00.004+08:00

i have been trying to write (and whine) about how crappy last week had been but somehow i can't put my thoughts and feelings into words. i really really do want to let other people know how crap surgeons in hospital seberang jaya treated us last week. and how i have never been that exhausted (even though we practically did nothing at the hospital) because SJH surgeons had capabilities to mentally tortured us every fucking day. (by not doing their job)

but just now before i wrote this i visited ZA's blog and it stated there in the left corner of his blog ; "Walau macam mana celakanya kehidupan itu, ia tetap kehidupan." so i've decided that i'm just going to let it go. SJH surgeons, you all suck!

i'm sad because my 6 weeks surgery posting had to end this way. i had a very great time the first 4 weeks eventhough it was exhausting. even when i had to wake up at 5.30 am in the morning and be at the hospital by 6.15 am for bedside teaching or even when i had to come to the ward at 4.30 pm after class just to clerk case for mr eric. or even when i had to stand 7 hours straight in the OT during fasting month. but the last two weeks, is a waste of time and energy because i didn't learn much anyway.

and for yesterday OSCE exam, erghh i dont want to talk about it. :(

now here come multispec posting on monday! i have a feeling that i'm not going to survive this. hoho

p/s: mr. C cursed one h.o. in the clinic in front of one other doctor, 2 patients, one nurse and 5 clueless (and scared lol) medical students 'pukimak'. yeah, they're that bad. hmmm...

optimism

2009-10-18T22:05:00.003+08:00

i'm very optimistic towards life. the only problem that i have is that sometimes i still live in the past. that i believe things that happened in the past still has some meaning in the present time. that is of course not the case.

people move on. i don't. that is my problem. even though in the present time, while living my life i also encounter new things and make new plans for the future, i without fail bringing stuffs that happened in the past with me.

and that is sometimes making it too troublesome.

p/s: i am (almost) certain that i want to be a surgeon. and hopefully can marry one. ;P

invisible

2009-10-17T09:40:00.004+08:00

as medical students, at the hospital everybody think we are invisible. from the nursess to the housemen to the medical officers, to some specialists and consultants, they don't see us, hence they treat us like we are invisible.

but we are not. we are not invisible, we have feelings like all the human being out there.

so to the doctor with the green cap in the OT yesterday, we medical students are not invisible. at least have the courtesy to ask us to move before just going in front of us blocking our view while we were concentrating on looking dr. narinder suturing the lady's leg which i know that you yourself as a doctor probably already did suturing plenty of time.

p/s: don't you just hate people with no manners?

reason

2009-10-15T21:19:00.007+08:00

as a medical student, i have been asked multiple times of my reasons of wanting to be a doctor. and it is one question that i hate the most to answer. last monday, Ms Lee asked my group that question and none of my group members including me can give her a reason why. and then she nagged us for half an hour just because we can't answer that.

it's not that i don't want to answer her question. it's just that i want to spare her from all the bullshits that she probably already heard for the thousand times already, the 'right' answer. 'i want to serve the public', 'i want to help the sick', 'my father is a doctor and i want to just like him because he is my inspiration' bla bla bla all the bullshits kind of answer. after all this is not some kind of medical interview, so i dont have to create fake reasons to impress her.

i remember asking one of the doctor in SGH couple of years ago that question. and what did he answer me? he simply said his reason with three simple words that i will never ever forget my whole life; 'because i can'. and that i think is the most honest answer that somebody had given me so far.

so what i'm saying is sometimes you don't need a reason to like or to want to be something. because there are some things that you just cannot explain and reason it out with words.

can't it just be because i like it very much? but don't get me wrong, i do want to serve the public. hehe ;P

and also the second question that doctors like to ask us, are u enjoying medicine so far?. and my answer will always be the same before, now and in the future. 'sometimes. most of the times'. because there is no such thing that is so perfect that you don't have a slightest moment of hating it eventhough you love it so much. got what i mean? this is not some sort of utopian world, imperfection is acceptable.

p/s: i hate ortho!

starting over.

2009-10-15T21:12:00.001+08:00

im starting over.

think happy thoughts! :D

the surgeon in a purple shirt.

2009-10-03T00:04:00.002+08:00

i am tired.

and both of my arms hurt.

and mr lim talked to me yesterday. hahaha ;)

maaf zahir batin.

2009-09-20T20:16:00.003+08:00

after three years celebrating raya abroad, i have very high hope for this raya. unfortunately it wasnt a good one. nevermind, i never actually like raya anyway, sometimes i hope we can celebrate raya once every 5 years.

happy raya people! hope ur raya is better than mine. maaf zahir batin :)

2009-09-18T07:09:00.003+08:00

yesterday was a good day. :D

1. dr S is very nice. not as nice as mr U from taiping, but still he's nice. mind you that most of the surgeon are mean creature and never know how to smile. and he's good looking too. haha ;)

2. mr LSY spotted twice. he's not wearing his pink shirt but still it leaves a very huge smile on my face. :D its good to see him, its been a long time.

3. im in kch. flight not delay. that was a good thing. hehe

4. i love the kittens.

p/s: happy hari raya!
pp/s: dont u just love listening to hari raya song that they spin on radio?

freeeaaakkk

2009-09-14T15:03:00.002+08:00

i just realize that i have this weird thing that i do; i will always try to palpate my brachial pulse while passing motion.

food diary #3

2009-09-11T22:13:00.003+08:00

sahur: 2 keping roti wholemeal, sesudu kecil kaya. air kosong.

sungkey: nasik briyani ayam, 3 keping samosa, jus tembikai.

leftover food: 2 keping kueh bingka

senaman: tiada. tapi berdiri 7 jam di dalam OT boleh dikira sebagai senaman x?

p/s: arrghhh crap im not compliance to the diet langsung!

food diary #2

2009-09-04T23:55:00.004+08:00

sahur: karipap lebihan semalam 1 1/2 biji, sekeping roti wholemeal, 1/2 sudu kaya. air kosong.

sungkey: setengah pinggan nasik ayam, segelas jus kiwi (not my taste), segelas teh tarik ice.

supper (semasa menonton nur kasih): sehiris kek secret recipe pecan butterscotch, segelas jus oren.

senaman: tiada kerana pegi makan di luar.

compliance kepada diet yang disyorkan: maseh juga tidak dapat mengelak dari makan benda manis. dan tidak bersenam..... kamu hopeless.

p/s: mak n bapak datang kl esok, yay!!
pp/s: saya mungkin ada sedikit suka kepada dr choo. *wink* dan ternampak cinta hati memakai baju kelabu pagi tadi. hehe happy2!! :D

food diary #1

2009-09-03T20:06:00.003+08:00

sahur: 2 keping roti wholemeal, tuna, 4 helai daun salad, 1 sudu low fat mayo. air kosong.

sungkey: 1 1/2 mangkuk nasi kerabu lauk seekor ikan kembung, 4 keping daging dihiris nipis, telur masin separuh, sedikit sayur mentah. (haha)
+ sebiji epal + sebiji donut + sehiris kueh bingka + segelas jus oren
belum dimakan sehingga diari ini ditulis: 2 biji karipap

senaman: berenang 30 minit

compliance kepada diet yang disyorkan: tidak begitu berjaya, cuba lagi esok hari. senaman baik, kekalkan. kurangkan nasi, dan tolong berhenti membeli kueh mueh! gud luck!

p/s: esok ada exam cardio, uwaa!

i'm not angry

2009-08-30T23:53:00.004+08:00

im just refused to be angry and i hope i dont know the truth because if i do, maybe i wont look at u as the same anymore.

lesson for today

2009-06-18T15:01:00.003+08:00

never sleep in the class coz later u will half-dead looking for the meaning of short forms that ur lecturer used in the notes. *annoyed + half dead*

wtf is B-D??? and IAM MRI?? and CF? (i am sure CF is not cystic fibrosis)

crap crap crap

2009-06-18T14:01:00.002+08:00

apesal laptop tetiba keluar semut kecik2 kaler brown?

of reading lecture note headache

2009-06-18T14:00:00.003+08:00

tiba tiba kepala aku ada unilateral pulsating headache. crap. i got migraine.

bla bla bla

2009-06-17T23:50:00.002+08:00

hehehe tetiba rasa cam nak makan roti dengan susu pekat manis. tapi malas nak pegi beli susu. troublesome.

the day i met jason leong

2009-06-12T21:39:00.004+08:00

hahaha jason who? jason leong may not be famous, but i've been searching for his book, the twisted stethescope since last summer. and today when i was at the library counter to renew my book, he was there, borrowing books.

hehe then i said hi, and asked if i can get a copy of his book. he said he'll asks his parents to bring a copy for me when they come to penang in july.

oh yeah jason said i had this accent. there's been quite a few people telling me the same thing. and making fun of me because of it. i never noticed. hehe at least jason said it rather nicely, he said i have such a pleasant accent.

lately i have been a source of entertainment for my groupmates. dem it, that goes my goal to lay low.

i bought a new book again today. 69 by ryu murakami. oh i might be addicted reading japanese books. and i vow to myself that i will not buy anymore shoes until i've collected all the books by haruki murakami.

ryu and haruki murakami are 2 different person.

last night i finish reading 20 fragments of a ravenous youth by xiaolu guo. i love it. but im too lazy to do a review. maybe later.

im going to explore china as soon after i graduate. need to start saving!

i want to sell my sony cybershot and buy lumix LX3 instead. anybody interested?

Happy Birthday Uncle Daud

2009-06-06T01:17:00.003+08:00

hari ini, 5 jun adalah birthday bapak saya, Uncle Daud yang ke 54. saya, syilla daud dan oren di sini ingin mengucapkan selamat hari lahir yang ke 54 kepada Uncle Daud. saya berharap di usia Uncle Daud yang ke 54 tahun ini Uncle Daud akan lebih gembira dalam menjalani kehidupan, tidak selalu marah2 dan jarang-jarang dijangkiti penyakit viral berjangkit seperti demam dan selsema. amin. semoga panjang umur dan lebih murah rezeki supaya boleh menampung kehidupan anakmu yang bernama syilla. hehehe pak, kasut converse cgek!

saya normal

2009-06-06T00:44:00.001+08:00

hehe bukan saya seorang saja apabila patah hati terfikir nak lari. jadi saya normal.

OMG i fucking love my new shoes.

2009-06-05T23:14:00.004+08:00

aten likes this very much. hehe

this converse i found it at florence, italy. i want! i want! i want! but then the price for converse overseas is ridiculously expensive compare to malaysia so i have to let this go.

i want this crocs! malindi izzit? anyone wanna buy it for me?

ini memang sangat comel gila babi saya tidak dapat bertahan so im going to buy it tomorrow.

and lastly this is my new shoes and i like it very much that i dont want to wear it because sayang takut tapak nya haus. hahaha saiko.

2009-06-03T23:05:00.004+08:00

people are so fucking annoying these days. inconsiderate and demotivating. sometimes i wish that karma will haunt them for whatever they had said and done to me.

i hate everybody now. all of you.

2009-06-03T22:58:00.002+08:00

holga ka fisheye? holga ka fisheye? holga ka fisheye?

random rambling

2009-06-01T19:39:00.003+08:00

i think im going back home later than what i had planned. i seriously need to go on a holiday. might go to ipoh and take pictures of the old buildings. and melaka to experience the night life, melaka is gorgeous at night. and singapore! i fucking love singapore. i need my tripod!

my weight is 82 kg and im obese and my legs is short. somebody please do an intervention on me.

2009-05-29T12:38:00.005+08:00

i need to see a dietitian. today we did BMI and waist:hip ratio. i am officially an obese now. and my waist:hip ratio is also not in normal range. so im in trouble now. macam wadefak la kan. so im going to see a dietitian for real this time. (i was planning to see dietitian last summer but i thought i was doing ok, so i changed my mind)

my tutor andii (is that how u spell her name? i dont know. haha) anyway she said she wants to see me in the normal range in 6 months time. hoho im in deep shit now kan? before this i always thought its ok to be a bit overweight as long as ur healthy and exercise regularly. regular la sangat saya pergi exercise kan. hahahahaha ok thats not funny. im scared.

i really need to stop consuming poisonous drink that they include in mcdonald value meal. shitness lah, coke is do sedap that i can finish the large coke by myself now, and i went to mcdonald like what? 2 to 3 times every week? i really need to discipline myself to avoid any soft drinks from now on. wait, starbucks is not a softdrink kan?

p/s: why is that one of my groupmate actually perceives me as bubbly and cheerful girl? and i thought i am always dark and bitter! hmm...

saya dah jumpa dia. tp dia bukan prince charming. macam yang saya bayangkan.

2009-05-24T23:37:00.003+08:00

siapa dia? dia ialah ini

grey area

2009-05-15T22:33:00.004+08:00

i see things as white and black. i dont believe in grey area. what wrong is wrong, and what right is right. there is no in between.

i think everybody should have a better self control and dont be greedy. admit it u cant have it all.

sometimes u have to choose even though making decision is hard. like i said, if u can stop being greedy, u will have a clear mind of what to choose.

like what my father said, in life u cant afford making too many mistakes. and i truly believe that. thats why before i did anything stupid i always think about what he said. and it will stop me from doing it.

even though some may see me as a no-fun person, not adventurous, bla bla bla. what the heck people, im trying to be perfect here. ;D so now u know why i dont do this, i dont do that.

i dont want to have any regret. i dont want to encounter any episodes when i look back at my life in the future i found that im ashamed with myself. always remember all ur actions will have consequences. eventhough some people said u will learn from ur mistakes, but i say; if u can do it right, why would u want to make any mistakes?

p/s: surgery rotation dah habis. yay! :D

about friendship

2009-05-15T21:54:00.004+08:00

i dont have lots of friends. most of the people that i mingle with nowadays are my classmates. i dont see classmates as friends because after school i dont get in touch with them. not even during holiday. they are sort of like part-time friends. u see them at school, u talk, then after school u go separate ways and thats the end of it.

at the age of 23, i think making new friends is just unnecessary. exhausting even. i think socializing is exhausting, i cant handle too many people at a time. some of them will slip away.

but now when i dont have any classmates/friends who can signed my attendance for me when i have to skip class, without asking any questions i kind of wonder am i really that hateful (hence i dont have that kind of friend)? or is it because the people around me are just bunch of uptight bitches??

:(

2009-05-07T20:51:00.003+08:00

sigh.

saya penat.

i need to go jogging.

can i just quit medicine now?? like realli realli quit?

2009-05-04T20:59:00.004+08:00

everytime i listen to lenka, i think of dublin. lenka was probably my best friend back then in dublin. she was there during my bus journey back home, during my window shopping, in lecture hall while waiting for lecture to start.

is it just me or lagu lenka memang bernada sedih? because i feel sad everytime i listen to it now.

p/s: i went to OT today, saya pakai scrubs itu terbalik. poket kat belakang. rofl. ok kamu boleh gelakkan saya beramai2 sekarang.
pp/s: boleh kan kalau saya nak berhenti belajar? i dont have passion for it anymore. :(